When We Were Wizards- The Story of D&D, An Oral History of Dungeons and Dragons

 

I went into When We Were Wizards expecting the usual: a polished nostalgia piece about the “good old days,” a bit of myth-making, and the same recycled narrative about how it all came together like lightning in a bottle.

That’s not what this is.

This is very well done.

Production-wise, it’s tight. Clean narration, strong pacing, and it actually respects the listener’s time. No rambling, no filler. It moves. More importantly, it builds. Each episode adds weight instead of just circling the same talking points you’ve heard a hundred times before.

But where it really stands out?

It’s willing to get uncomfortable.

The story of TSR, and the people behind it, especially Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson isn’t told like a campfire legend. It’s messy. It’s human. It’s full of ego, missteps, clashes, and decisions that don’t always age well.

And here’s the part that’s going to ruffle feathers:

If even half of what’s presented here is true, then the online narrative that paints Gygax as some flawless architect of the hobby is complete nonsense.

Absolute nonsense.

This doesn’t diminish what he accomplished. Not even close. Co-creating D&D is still one of the most important moments in gaming history. That doesn’t change.

But this podcast does something a lot of people don’t want to do: it separates achievement from myth.

Gygax comes across as brilliant, driven…and flawed. Very flawed. Same goes for Arneson. Same goes for just about everyone involved. Which, frankly, makes the whole story more compelling, not less.

Because now it actually feels real.

What you get here isn’t a sanitized origin story. It’s a collision of personalities at the exact moment this hobby was being born. Deals, disagreements, credit disputes, business decisions; some smart, some questionable, some outright disastrous.

That’s the story.

And it’s a better one than the polished version.

Now, is everything in this podcast gospel? Probably not. No historical retelling ever is. There’s always framing, always perspective. But that’s not really the point.

The point is that it challenges the comfortable version of events.

And honestly? That alone makes it worth your time.

So where do I land?

This is one of the better pieces of RPG history content I’ve come across. Not because it tells you what you want to hear...but because it doesn’t. If you’re looking for hero worship, this isn’t it.

If you want something closer to the truth; even if that truth is a little inconvenient? Then yeah, this is absolutely worth a listen.

And to close? I have immense respect for Gary and Dave. That also does not blind me to totality of the story. 

Getting the drop on the opposition in AD&D, a visual

After playing RPGs and war-games since 1982 I have come across tons of art; some good, some bad and some in between. Of the old school artists from the early days of TSR are Tramp and

But this post is not about that. This post is about something so over the top gonzo. So over the top that it is epic bad/good. So cool that it is hard to quantify. So of course it is something from 2nd Edition Advanced Dungeons and Dragons. I should also note that despite 2nd Edition being my favorite version of Dungeons and Dragons and how I run it (see here) I am not a particularly huge fan of the Forgotten Realms.

So with that said this cover is nothing short of pure awesomeness. 

At first I never paid this much attention back in the day: I do not currently have or need the book. But the more I look at it I have come to realize just how gob smacking cool this is! All too often over the years I have seen knights fighting hordes of bad guys ad-nauseam, orcs, thieves climbing demon idols, menacing beholders and mighty dragons on the wing and everything in between.

But getting the drop on some town guard flunky in such an unorthodox way? That is the stuff that legends are made of! And to do it with a loaf of ciabatta bread, left-handed? You do not get much more pimp than this move. Imagine the consternation of said city watchman heading back to the guard tower:

Master at Arms at the Tower: "So, William, did you bring the outlaw scum at the Sleepy Dragon Inn?"

William: (sheepishly) "No, I... uhhhhh... couldn't find him."

Master at Arms at the Tower: "Why is your face and neck covered with bread crumbs?"

I mean really who is going to own up to the fact that some dude in a tavern got the drop on you with his freaking DINNER! A plate maybe, a hunk of bread????

You might loathe 2nd Edition AD&D, you might not like the art (I have certainly seen better) you might not like the subject matter. But when is the last time you got the drop on someone in the game with one of your characters utilizing a loaf of bread? I am guessing never.

The Most Craptastic Ad Ever in Gaming: The Dragonmaster’s Ring

Usually I’m a live-and-let-live kinda guy, but this one made me roll my eyes so hard they almost popped out from my skull…

How did I come across this? A brief bit of background: one of my most treasured gaming materials is my run of Dungeon from issues #1 through #81, encompassing the entirety of 1st and 2nd Edition AD&D adventures. It took years, but I got them all. Dungeon is an amazing resource. When grogs complain “there are no good 2nd Edition adventures,” I point them to this excellent resource.

But I digress: last week I had a flood as the sump pump float in the basement got stuck. Long story short, I thought my Dungeon mags were safe inside their plastic tote and plastic bags to boot. I was wrong — there was a small hole in the bottom of the tote. So I’ve spent the last week and a boatload of electricity with the fans, the dehumidifier, and my wife’s hairdryer drying the basement and said Dungeon mags. In the process I come across issue #79 and find this “gem.”

Here is the monstrosity of which I speak.

There is so much that is just wrong with this visual. Shouldn’t this guy be in one of the man-bands of the late 90s or something e;se rather than playing role-playing games? There are no words other than “what ass-hat would be wearing this thing and looking like this guy???” The Franklin Mint really outdid itself with this tool. I really like the tag line: “The Secrets of the Universe are Within Your Grasp.” Thank god for that! Within my grasp, you say???? And just $195, exclusively from the Franklin Mint???? Sign me up! And I’m fairly certain most “Dragon Masters” don’t look like Vinnie from the club.

Ugh.

The Zaniness of "Classic" Roleplaying Games Threads

General

Some of you may have been wondering why I haven't been blogging about Warhammer (or that much in general) as much lately. This is for a number of reasons. One, as I've pointed out on various Warhammer forums my interest in the game is rather low right now. Two, I truly believe that Games Workshop is circling the drain and while it sucks for the people that work there that are going to bear the brunt of it, the company itself I cannot help but blame. The antics of GW now seem to rival TSR in its death throes, should be interesting to watch. (Edit: as of 7-7-26, looks like I wasn't accurate on that one!)

5 RPG Threads of note

I don't normally like to post about the goings on at various RPGs sites, but since it came up in a thread at Dragonsfoot a while back, I thought I'd list my Top 5 favorite RPG threads from around the web. I''m posting them here rather then potentially ruffle feathers elsewhere, hopefully the coast will be clear later? Whats that you say? It never is? Damn.

Here they are in no particular order. 

1. Progressive types getting their man panties in a knot over the political correctness of artwork in nerd...err D&D books. I still shake my head at that one.
2. THE worst D&D module of all time: The Forest Oracle "These men are not acrobats..."
3. Hissy fits about poopy diapers at conventions. (You have to read this start to finish, classic!)
4. Some who threatened to get his lawyer for hurt feelings over his made up, Übermensch class ? Wow, I mean, just wow!
5. Unreasoning Zeb Cook hate * (later the excellent podcast When We were Wizards pretty much dismantles most of this.)

Note * I'm surprised the thread still exists. I thought it had been deleted to protect the guilty. It's amusing on several levels, but the best is the posturing by a certain person who claimed he knew more then the people who were actually there at the time, classic! 

Mike Berualt (aka Zotster) dispelling notions that grognard chapter and verse is built on for decades is impressive.

I should point out, I frequent a number of sites but only post on a few. There are probably even crazier threads out there but these one strike me as comedy gold.

Enjoy?

Dragonlance Redux

 

On a whim I decided to reread the Dragonlance Chronicles, specifically Dragons of Autumn Twilight after buying the trilogy for less then $5 at a local bookstore. Over the years I’ve shied away from rereading books I originally read as a preteen or teen, worried that they wouldn’t hold up, especially

after reading the Game of Thrones at least three times now. But, I have to say I was pleasantly surprised and the read thus far has been fast. While its not the best series ever it wasn’t horrible.

As I write this post I’m now already onto Dragons of Winter Night and despite knowing the story I’m pleased with it. Returning to Dragonlance is the first fantasy I’ve read in at least five years, or in this case reread. About the closest I’ve come was reading the entire Camloud Chronicles (also known as Dream of Eagles outside the the US) by Jack Whyte. I’ve never been a rabid fan of Dragonlance, but certainly not all butt hurt like the neck-beards with their 30 year jihad of “Dragonlance ruined AD&D!” It was an interesting concept, novels that beget a series of modules.

Reading Dragons of Autumn Twilight was a quick read. I found myself getting immersed in the story and enjoying the fact that the chapters went by quickly (for me these days time is a premium). At only 441 pages it was a snap to blast through them. Epic fantasy is also something I haven’t read in a while so it was a nice change of pace. The authors Weiss and Hickman did a good job of moving the pace of the story along. One thing that struck me this time around a number of the characters come across as whiny, particularly Flint and sometimes Tanis. I also cringed when I thought I’d dislike Tasslehoff but didn’t find him too irritating. Sturm is a bit of a downer, yes being a dour knight and all and Raistlin I found just right, squaring him with my memories (see below).

I’m also finding I also have an odd sympathy for Gilthanas, perhaps knowing what is coming. Maybe this isn’t surprising as my all-time favorite character class is fighter/mage (or in 1^stedition parlance- fighter/magic user).

Now back in the day my gaming group and I read  Chronicles (most of us grabbing the same copy from the public library), but I don’t recall any us rigidly adhering to the books when playing the modules except for maybe Jim wanting to role-play the death of Sturm (also see below). I also don’t recall if we got that far.

When we played Dragonlance back in the 8^th/9^th grade days we only played a few of the modules. One distinct memory I have is of arriving later then everyone else at Jeff’s house, descending to the basement where we were playing and everyone having a grin on their face… I also remember why I was late and why they were all grinning. First, I had a football game and rushed over to play so it would have been the fall, in fact I still had my lower football pads/pants on. I’m sure I must have smelled great (gully dwarf?) Second the reason why they were grinning: As I was last to arrive everyone else had already picked their characters and back then the group was slightly larger then the core of: Jeff, Dave, Daryl, Jim, Christian, Tom, Mike, and I. So guess who I end up with by random chance? Raistlin. At first I was not happy, but in fact he was quite fun to play. It was fun to play a sarcastic, scathing mage with a big fighter (Caramon) to stick up for him. Dave may have been playing Tasslehoff, Jim was probably playing Sturm. After that I can’t quite recall. This also may have been the second time they played through it as I recall. This is a bit murky as they played together as a group when they were kids; at least 5-7 years before I joined them.

So there you have it, to reiterate I’m not a huge Dragonlance fan per say; it was fun to play, and my personal demarcation line stops right at Dragons of Summer Flame,  (which is another story altogether). A few Dragonlance ideas have made their appearance in my games and overall I like the concept of the world. As an aside: draconians are a good bad guy especially when orcs are overdone.

A few years later we returned to Dragonlance for a few all-night games at Jeff’s where I played a dwarven paladin of Paladine named Duncan Steelmountain wielding a magical battle-axe called "Gutripper" (I still have the character), Dave playing a Minotaur and Daryl playing an human magic user. This is also interspersed with us watching Hellraiser those evenings. Unfortunately, there are no notes listing the other player characters names*. This would have been one of our last 1^st edition games right before we switched to 2^nd edition.

* Edit I found the character's "back story" (and it is horribly written by me) but does contain most of the names of the player characters from this second Dragonlance campaign, so the roster is as follows:

- Me (Mark): Duncan Steelmountain, mountain dwarf paladin of Paladine (mountain dwarves may be paladins in the Dragonlance Adventure book)

- Dave: Tolon (or perhaps Tolor) a minotaur fighter,

- Jim: Zachariah Stormgren, aspirant to the Knights of Solomania

- Daryl: Siward, a human magic user (no mention of which robe color).

- unknown player: a kender handler named Gidenan

 

There you have it. Reading Dragons of Winter Night now and 399 pages it should be a snap to read:  Light, fast  reads these days fits my busy life and these are certainly that.

UK4- When a Star Falls – Old School AD&D Thoughts and a Review

 

Introduction

The seminal UK series has many great modules, but without a doubt the best is UK4 When a Star Falls Falls by Graeme Morris. As I alluded to in my derro post, this module is a match made in heaven. Derro + UK4 = awesome.

Given the module code, it was created by the UK division of TSR. Released in 1984, it’s a standard 32 pages with excellent full-color maps and a sharp graphical layout. The cover notes it’s for 6–10 players of levels 3–5 (though I can’t imagine running it with that many). It features the orange border common in later 1st edition modules, plus a proud Union Jack, because they can. The layout, borders, interior illustrations, title fonts… everything about the presentation is top-notch. The cover art fits the module perfectly, and having one consistent artist throughout really pays off, especially compared to the clashing styles you sometimes see in modules like A1- Slave Pits of the Undercity..

A flood of memories from the memory web...

I wanted to buy this based on the cover alone back in the day. As a poor, cash-strapped pre-teen I saw it in Dragon magazine and it immediately stood out. When I finally got my hands on it? I think I read it ten times in the span of just a few days.

When the argument breaks out online about which AD&D module is the best, I’m there backing UK4 every time.

Funnily enough, I think I discovered this module right around the time I bought the Unearthed Arcana with my own money (as I noted here). That’s probably why both still stand out so strongly for me.

Everything about this module is perfect or near-perfect. The stat blocks read cleanly, the text for the PCs is crisp and concise, and the art fits from stem to stern. And one of the best aspects? It has derro in it! When I first got the module I had no idea, but considering they’re my favorite monster and this is my favorite module? Total bonus. As I noted here, yeah — I’m a big fan of derro.

Background

The premise of the module is that the PCs need to investigate a fallen star. The adventure notes that the party spotted the star falling fairly close by, only 3–4 nights before the adventure begins. Shortly afterward they encounter a wounded memory web — a monster that absorbs memories. Once slain, it floods the PCs with a rush of memories, some of which are vitally important and give them a clear direction to the Tower of Heavens.

It feels a bit ham-fisted at first glance, but it gets the adventure moving quickly. And honestly, it beats the classic “a stranger in a cloak walks up to you in a tavern.” In a quasi-medieval world, comets are harbingers of doom — the locals would react with fear and curiosity, and so should the players.

DERRO!

There’s a fly in the ointment, however. While the elder sage Shalfey sends his monks to recover the fallen star, his treacherous former pupil Piyarz attempts a coup. The elder sage barely manages to barricade himself in the upper levels of the Tower of Heavens. Piyarz also sends his primary minion — the shade Sion — to track the monks and, eventually, the PCs. Sion is dangerous and unlikely to fight to the death. The best approach is often to let him slip away and reappear later for hit-and-run harassment.

From the memory web’s visions, the PCs should learn that a druid/sage named Derwyth holds key knowledge about the star’s location. If they were smart enough to recover the bestiary the monks were carrying, Derwyth will trade valuable calculations for it. (As an aside, a character with Astronomy or Astrology proficiency in 1st or 2nd edition should have a decent shot at figuring some of this out themselves. Without it, expect to pay around 1,500 gp.)

The Derro Outpost

Once armed with the location, the party heads to the impact site — which just so happens to be a derro outpost. For the derro, it was the worst possible timing. The star smashed into the top of the pass, flattening their lair, killing many, and leaving the survivors digging out amid the rubble. The ruined lair is excellently detailed and shows the recent chaos vividly: derro and slaves working frantically, structural damage everywhere, and some inhabitants who clearly do not rest easy. Like many parts of this adventure, the lair has great potential for continued use after the module ends.

Once (if) the party fights or sneaks through the derro, they recover the fallen star itself. It’s not magical, but it is extremely valuable.

Therno Pass is the next major locale after leaving the derro lair. There are some preset encounters that can be expanded, or the DM can use the excellent and flavorful random encounter chart — a real strength across almost the entire UK series. 

The Tower of Heavens

One of the coolest segments of the adventure is the Tower of Heavens and the sages who dwell within. Situated in a river and accessible only by ferry, it features a ton of excellent maps. The tower is “guarded” by gnomes? (Ugh.) Reaching it is no small feat, and the ferryman Hadley will try to get the players to give Shalfey’s password. If the PCs are smart and paying attention, he’s a solid source of information about the current state of the tower.

The sages — especially the elder sage Shalfey — are dependent on the recovery of the fallen star, though the PCs don’t know that at first. Piyarz’s rebellion stemmed from his impatience to take over as elder sage. With Shalfey’s monks gone, Piyarz attempted a coup. It was only partially successful; the elder sage managed to barricade himself in the uppermost levels. Piyarz also sent his primary minion, the shade Sion, to track the monks and eventually the PCs.

The color-coded robes of the sages (from pupil up to Shalfey in white) and their matching monk retinues add a nice visual and hierarchical touch. Interactions with the tower’s inhabitants matter, Shalfey will be grateful for his rescue, but he won’t be happy if the PCs cause major damage or loss of life. I’ve used the elder sage and his surviving pupils as recurring NPCs in my own campaigns before, and some were decidedly less than cordial to parties that had previously mistreated them.

A fun side note: I love the spectator at area T17. Anytime a spectator shows up, it’s time for great role-playing.

The path to Shalfey isn’t easy. Defenses like the Bridge of Faith (Area T18) and the permanent maze spell in the Labyrinth (Area T20) can cause real grief.

When the PCs finally reach the elder sage, he is just finishing the burning of the previous set of the Books of Prophecy. They are now blank and useless to him. The PCs must now take the fallen star to a reclusive group of deep gnomes, who will trade the next set of books for it. In return, Shalfey promises the adventurers one magical item apiece, randomly determined when drawn from a prismatic sphere.

The location of the wizened deep gnomes isn’t far, and the trip there can be uneventful or full of peril, depending on the DM’s choice.

The elder sage, Shalfey

The Deep Gnomes Forge

The ancient deep gnomes are known as the Kagu-svirfnebi. They are a small band that splintered from their main clan some time ago and have been waiting for the arrival of the PCs. They were alerted via scroll that the contents of the dome (actually a prismatic sphere) would be exchanged for a black rock that they would cut into one of the greatest gems ever known. It would take them a lifetime to cut it, but lust and greed overcame them. They cut off all contact with their kin and waited.

Now the PCs arrive with the stone, and their long wait is nearly over. The years of isolation have turned them slightly evil, with a strong penchant for avarice.

Deep Gnomes and their wacky machinery

Assuming the PCs come to an agreement, the gnomes will honor their word. They escort the party to the “shimmering dome,” where the star-rock is required to collapse the

But the adventure is not quite over. To return the books to Shalfey, the PCs must get past a pair of sub-adult red dragons. This encounter can be very deadly. The young dragons show up once the Kagu-svirfnebi workshop begins to self-destruct; the rumblings in the mountain draw them to investigate. The party may be exiting in a hurry, possibly at less than full strength and with the gnomes sabotaging their equipment. Multiple breath weapons could easily result in a TPK.

If run in 2nd edition AD&D, these two dragons are especially deadly. A young adult does 10d10+5 damage with its breath weapon, and breathing every other round? I doubt any group of 6–10 adventurers of levels 3–5 could withstand that if they choose to fight rather than parley.

Once the dragons are dealt with, it’s back to Shalfey for their rewards and the conclusion of the adventure. A crafty DM, however, can use many of the hooks left dangling: What are the derro doing in the area? What happens when the gnomes finally carve the gem, perhaps the derro want it for one of their crazy machines, in the style of Richard Shaver’s stories? What about Sion the shade? If he wasn’t slain earlier, he can reappear to harass the PCs later. There’s also strong potential for using Derwyth and Shalfey as recurring NPCs. Shalfey is old and well-connected in the region, and the Tower of Heavens is a perfect repository of lore and prophecy for planting future adventure seeds.

Suffice it to say, there are plenty of ways to make use of this material long after the module ends.

Final thoughts

There are only two real quibbles, and they’re minor: the minimals (ugh...I’m not a fan). Each of the two times I’ve run the adventure I’ve skipped them without a second thought. If I ran it again I’d probably use gibberlings as an ambush force instead.

The second is that I’ve never liked most of the sages’ names except for Shalfey. That’s pure personal preference. Maschin-I-Bozorg? Huh… what the hell is that?

Throughout the module, the random encounters really fit the feel of the adventure. It very much feels like you’re traveling through an enchanted land, with the right balance of animals and monsters. As I noted earlier, this is a strength shared by the vast majority of the UK series.

A good tie-in adventure is “Cloudkill” from Dungeon #79. It can link nicely afterward with more derro activity in the surrounding lands, perhaps from the same city, or a rival savant?

If the PCs thoroughly search Area K8 there’s the potential for a staggering amount of coin — up to 10,000 gp. Combined with the sizable (for the level) hoard in the red dragons’ lair, that’s a lot of treasure. It may be more than some DMs want at this level, so be warned.

One last note: the red dragons appear at the end while the PCs are hauling… books. Their breath weapons could pose a serious risk to the cargo. Something to consider.

Any way you slice it, this module is hands down great. No matter which scale you use, it gets 5 out of 5 stars or 10 out of 10. Yep, it’s that good

Have you run UK4 in your own campaigns? If so, how did it go and what were your players’ impressions?

Ironically, as I write this about my favorite AD&D module ever, one of my most treasured... I cant find my copy at all. So it looks like its off to find another. If it holds true to form prices will spike just as I go to buy one. And really, really true to form? I found my original one stuffed inside another module after my replacement arrived...

Poker, Chess and Breaking the game with Monty Haul

While the later editions suffer from "builds" when players think about characters, the earlier editions are not immune to their share of munchkinism. In fact, if one looks at just the Player's Handbook in 1st edition its easy to break the game, using the Unearthed Arcana it gets even easier. It bears repeating, although its tougher to do with just the PHB in 1st it can be done. Enter the Monty Haul aspects of the game. I don't beleive that Gary intentionally did this, after all I truly believe the game grew organically and fast.  I also think how he played was much more high powered then those that consider themselves "Gygaxian".

2nd edition avoids this to a degree in my opinion as one of the prime areas for abuse in 1st, weapon specialization is toned way, way down. This is not to say combat can't be broken, fighting with two weapons anyone, and then specialized?  (Of which there are ways to tone this down too). Point being   that 1st is open to more abuse in my opinion. So in a round about sort of way what I'm saying is that the cat was really let out of the bag even with 1st edition. The later editions *cough* 3rd *cough* really drove it home.

So without further delay here is breaking the game 1st edition style lifted from my response at dragonsfoot. The point of this exercise is that with some "creative thinking" the power curve is already bent/broken at the mid levels of the game.  

"Now swap that sword for a warhammer????"

Rules: 100,000 Xps for each character. 6 characters and no race or class can repeat (the original OP on Dragonsfoot said five characters, but in true munchkin fashion I ignored that limitation). Here was my stab at it, not meant to be the best, but certainly in consideration for munchkinism. Dual classed and multi-classed are ok when the limitation of no class repeated is considered.

Half Ogre, 7th level Fighter (Dragon #29/73)
Only single class in the lineup. Forget the duelist; of any of the NPC races/classes from Dragon that people think are uber-munch, this is it hands down. High possibility of an 18/00 strength (check the rules) double specialized in bastard sword (which he can use one handed) and attacks 2/1. He is attacking at +5/+9 with that sword before factoring in any magical items. Read that again, that's 4d4+9/4d8+9 before any magical items... This brute also starts at 2d10 for hit dice at 1st level, so just like the ranger, but better. This is of course coupled with his natural con of 18. He skips missile weapons for the most part, but when needed throws spears, but due to his high elf buddy below doesn't really need to. Damage reduction of the full plate is a nice boon and iff magical even better.

Even without magic he is encased in full plate armor and can wield a shield, of course by this level he has several magical options. Ring of fire resistance is standard as it allows him to confront a red dragon, head on... or tool him up with a girdle of giant strength, of course its the storm giant variety. Probably has the best magical shield in the group too, say +2/ or +5. Boots and cloak of elvenkind (which are fairly common magical items) negate the full plate penalties.


For added fun consider: if this were not enough, half ogres can also be clerics. Rather then "waste" nearly 30,000 XPs towards fighter (in this scenario) that would still leave him a7th level fighter; re-purpose them to a multi-class. Half Ogres  can be clerics but their spell casting is only average even with a 12 wisdom, but he's likely the last resort cleric or healing himself only. He can still use edged weapons as multi-class clerics are allowed to or use the above mentioned hammer/girdle/gauntlets combo. It will impact his hit points some, but it might not be worth the consideration.

Gray Elf 6th level Druid/ 5th level Ranger/ 5th level Magic User
(per Gary's errata in Dragon #96)
Ranger is included for no other reason then to be specialized in longbow in
order gun down enemies with a frightening rapidity (1). 19 dex + elven
bonus for bows + abilities for specialization and oh, fires 3/1 and each
arrow in point blank that does 6-16 points of damage before factoring
magical arrows and weapons he's sure to have. If anything is caught in
it's "reaper zone" (trademark- pending) that's 18-48 points of damage
per round. Further he wields a bow that allows him to gain his natural
strength bonus up to 18/90 range; and if still not enough he gets to fire one more arrows prior to initiative making that 4 arrows in a single round. Hit points are pumped up due to his ranger class adding 2d8 hit dice to the mix at 1st. Throw in a bow built for his 18/90 strength and skip the
magical bows? Between him and the half ogre they might kill a red dragon in a single round by themselves.

Because his hit points are pretty good can be the 3rd or 4th line fighter. Could go toe-to-toe with bigger baddies when needed by fighting long sword and hand axe (short sword makes more sense) and with his dex he can pull it off. Pile in his animal helpers who are subject to the senior druid's animal growth spells.

Wears magical leather armor  or bracers to preserve his stealth abilities as an elf. Sits back and takes out targets of opportunity. Can also cast as needed. He is the junior druid to the dual classed one below and his animal followers bulk out the party. Later levels will start granting additional magic user and druid spells. That leaves him with the potential for unlimited druid, 18th level magic user and 14th level ranger.

For other magical equipment the poorly worded quiver of Elhonna (2) is a must. If you really want to make it "worse" make him a Archer-Ranger from Dragon #45 (shudder). Oh and he can cast druid and magic user spells...

(1) and (2), yes I know there is errata for both, but we can skip that little bit.

Dual classed Human, 1st level Fighter/9th level Druid
That's not a typo, the druid drop kicks everything's ass in 1st edition. Read "Underestimating druids (is a bad practice) in Dragon #119 until it sinks in. A revelation happened in this thread when
people realized that animal growth is one of the most bad ass spells a druid can cast. Couple this with the fact that he double specialized in scimitar at first level when he was a fighter. When really in trouble, dual wields with a flame blade spell in the off hand. I see no issue with this in munch-land as its not actually a weapon, its magical flame! Probably has the group's bracers of defense.

He is the 2nd line fighter and with animal growth on his furry companions of his traveling zoo complements the ogre in the melee and possibly outshines him in hand-to-hand, which is no small feat. Also as a dual classed fighter he gets access to % strength. Spell casting outpaces both cleric and magic user at this XP level as he has access to 5th level spells.

Half Orc 6th level Cleric / 6th level Assassin
Arrrrgh, 1 XP away from 7th level assassin! In true munchkin fashion I'd bump him one more XP and behold, 7th level assassin! 18 strength is a natural here as is a 19 con. He gets included due to being not being able to duplicate races per the rules, still he is a viable character for the roster. Hit points might be impacted here due to the multi classing but with the half orc and the druid and his pets he doesnt have to go toe to toe with foes often.

Backstab from this guy would cut most things in half as its not explicitly stated that a fighter/thief is limited to weapons on a backstab... Since he doesn't have access to weapon specialization he uses a two-handed sword and runs around in magical studded leather armor. Don't like the cleric combo? Add fighter instead and he does gain access to specialization! Backstab with a magical, poisoned,
two handed sword of night lives stealing (or sharpness); if figther, double specialized? Yes please! For the math a two-handed sword is: 1d10 +4 to hit/+5 to damage (with an 18 strength). Back-stab would then be 1d10x2+9, plus poison, plus any magical bonuses... at mid levels that's nothing to sneeze at. One more assassin level means bakstab at x3.

If people are going to be really "sticky" on this then go with long sword instead or some such or convert to fighter/thief, plus ring of invisibility and boots of elven kind. He also has assassination abilities and can provide the party with thief skills.

The limitation of 14 wisdom means that one of the wishes off of the party's ring of wishes might be allocated to raising it to 16... In any event his cleric spell casting is the last resort with the druid and the drow's casting being better. If the half ogre is dual classed these two equal one whole caster in my opinion.


Dark elf female 6th level Cleric/5th level Cavalier/ 5th level Magic User
Packed with innate magical abilities, superior infravision and the ability to fight with two weapons at no penalty, this is a fearsome combo. Here horseman’s maces (magical of course) will work well, but consider magical long swords abound in the game and Dungeon Masters Guide so have at it. She wears full plate armor for protection (remember the damage reduction) and still casts magic user spells and can wield a shield as needed.

Has  a wide variety of weapon abilities and immunities to spells, mind
effecting spells, bonuses to weapons like longsword, lance (a few death lances from the vault?) and horseman's mace, etc. Oh and can increase her strength, dex and con.

Her steed at 4th level is some sort of gigantic spider of course (no namby-pamby unicorn riders here). Then add in clerical and magic user spell casting to good effect. She probably has a retinue of undead fodder following her around via animate dead.

Of course if the party gets girdle of giant strength of some sort or gauntlets (unless the went to the half ogre above); she gets them as the other PCs all have very high strength scores; barring that gloves of missile snaring. Poisoned weapons go without saying here.

Deep Gnome 6th level Illusionist/ 6th level Assassin
Double AARRRRGGGH 1 Xp away again for 7th level assassin! However I'd say apply the "fix" outlined for the half orc above and he has 1 more XP, boom 7th level assassin. The deep gnome
special abilities really push this over the top even at mid levels: camouflage, bonuses to saves, spell abilities, etc.

Assassination abilities and poison are another benefit here along with minor thief skills to back up the half orc and hopefully catch anything that was missed. He can scout with the ranger/druid/mu listed above with spells at his disposal, especially bending the curve with the vague phantasmal force... In a way he is the "utility infielder" of the group: jack of all trades, master of none.

Has access to weapons such as dagger+2, Longtooth and bracers of archery to provide a secondary archer for the group; shortbow+3 and a few choice arrows of slaying. Since he  is not part fighter and can't have specialization he fights withshort sword and dagger both of which are envenomed as mentioned above. 

Recap

• Spellcasting- In short this setup has overall spell casting down pat: Magic User class on two of
  the characters, illusionist on one, clerical on two (potentially three), druidic spell casting
  on two. That's a tremendous amount of raw magical power at mid levels. Consider, two characters hurling 5d6 fireballs... the 9th level druid has access to spells like animal growth, insect plague, wall of fire, transmute rock to mud... The magic users probably have multiple scrolls with dispel magic. Magic User spells might be a bit weak, but at this XP level druids are far batter anyway. An  overlooked part is with the druids rapid rise their spell casting which is superior to the clerics so their healing is just as good as the drow  female.

• Melee- Both of the main fighters are extreme examples and complement the other, one melee, one missile and if the half ogre goes the hammer route, both. The druid/ranger/magic user fires his bow while the half ogre closes to melee. The druid gets specialization too since he is dual classed and overall three of the characters are specialized; the dark elf getting weapons of choice due to her cavalier class. Between the characters two of them have assassination abilities, two with back-stab and three of the characters are using poison regularly; I could see the case made for all of them, the half ogre hurling poisoned spears? Three or possibly four are attacking with two weapons when it comes down to melee. When it gets rough the dual classed druids animal growth spells on his and the druid/ranger/mu animal companions can get nasty.

• Stealth- This group will be tough to surprise (the druid/ranger/mu) and has a good stealth capability. Notice I didn't go too overboard with some of the items. Boots and cloaks of elven kind aren't artifacts after-all and in this party coupled with the natural stealth nature of
  the members? When needed they can sneak around just fine and the gnome
  thief/illusionist is there to help further. The druid/ranger/mu, thief/illusionist or the half orc cleric/assassin can all play the role of scouts. The half orc in particular can mow down opposition with a well placed back-stab or assassination, he is rarely if ever in the front line fighting it out but waiting for the right time then BAM!!!

• Mundane- when considering munchkinism don't neglect the mundane: the longbow is the best missile weapon in the game doing 1d6 points of damage per arrow, but its RoF of 2/1 makes it even better. Looking at this group there are four characters that have potential access to this weapon with one specialized in it. That means the half ogre, dual classed druid/fighter and half orc can fire six shots a round. Damage is 6-36 or the equivalent of a wand of fireballs. Now add in 3 or 4 shots from the specialized archer? That's ten arrows in a round. For further fun this might actually be a use for flame arrow which might be one of the worst spells in 1st edition, but in this context? Gives the drow something to do while polishing her nails. If that doesn't work, all of them firing poison arrows instead? Oh and the gnome can use a short bow boosting this to 12 arrows in a single round. While not quite as bad as 3rd edition build malarkey for archers this is nothing to scoff at.

Another advantage that might not be readily noticeable is that this group is redundant in almost every area. There is at least one other character that can back up the other. This also means that in a lot of cases there is a good degree of success should say one of the assassins fail to unlock a chest, find a trap, etc.

The only alignment issue is the druid/ranger/magic user, but make him CG with CN tendencies and everything works out.  I know Dragon #100 says theyhave to be Neutral Good, but we will fudge that a bit too.

An interesting bit is no dwarfs or halflings need apply for this group; nor do thief-acrobat, paladin,
single class thief, barbarian or monk. Bard is the odd man out as he would be next off the bench in IMHO. If anyone gets replaced its probably the half orc with the bard. The lack of a single class thief
really points out there is no real need for them as the assassins and the clerics can take care of  this role.

Magic items are modest and nothing that a band of 6-7th level PCs wouldn't have access to... well with a bit of stretching here or there.  ;)

So there you have it, pretty easy to get a munckin build in 1st edition AD&D, its simply easier in 3rd and 3.5.

How about your munchkin party(ies), lets hear them.

The coolest monster in AD&D- Derro

Despite the fact that the game is called Dungeons and Dragons; Dragons are not the coolest monster in the Monster Manual/Monstrous Manual. The title instead goes to the...

DERRO!
"Scrawny, pale, little psychos", that is a great appellation for the race!

Scrawny- (from the Monstrous Manual): "Derro are one of the most dexterous of humanoid races (averaging 15-18), and their Armor Class must be adjusted for this." Usually, those that are dextrous are not depicted as hulking brutes...

Pale- (from the Monstrous Manual): "Derro are short, with skin the color of an iced over lake (white, with bluish undertones), sickly, pale yellow or tan hair (always straight), and staring eyes that have no pupils." When one considers most dwarfs in AD&D that's certainly off the beaten path.  

Psychos- (from the Monstrous Manual): "The derro have made a name for themselves by their marked cruelty. It is said that a derro lives for just two things: to witness the slow, humiliating death of surface demihumans, and especially humans; and the perversion of knowledge to their own dark ends." And? they are chaotic evil to boot. 

Tired of dark elves being overdone, "angsty" and lame? Throw them out the window or at least out of the Underdark. That's basically what I've done with my "legendary" World of Galena. (1) With the derro in place there is no need for namby-pamby dark elves. In all seriousness I like dark elves just fine, I just find them overdone or at least the cat is out of the bag when one considers "the big reveal" of G3- Halls of the Fire Giant King. Most often I do not feature dark elves in my games and usually steer players away from them, I'd otherwise they prefer they play gnome illusionists (1). Thus enter the derro.

Derro are a creation of Gary Gygax and first make their appearance in S4- The Lost Caverns of Tsojcanth. It is possible that the derro are based on "deros" in the stories of Richard Sharpe Shaver which appeared in Amazing Stories, a pulp mag from the 1940s. Given that Gary didn't elaborate too much on this I'm inclined to believe the probable origin. Also given Gary predilections towards pulp for his sources and the fact that he was a well-read man? More then likely for their origin.

Whats not to like? To start with from the strategic level, derro are very scalable. I think one of the most overlooked aspects of them is a DM could use them not just at low levels, but at high levels as well. As the PCs rise start throwing some derro with class levels at them, have them tote out more charmed umber hulk and other various slaves. Spell casting via the higher level savants is another boon and an effect that the DM can use strategically.

At the tactical level Derro, properly used can be tough to combat, taken from short companion guide I threw together a few years back called "The Menace of the Derro" here are some of their main high-level tactical pros:

• 30% Magic Resistenace
• Small in size (S); this is not an obvious advantage, but they may take less damage from certain weapons; plus not being large creatures they do not take large damage obviously. This is of prime importance as the character rise in levels. An ancillary benefit to their size is the fact that unless the group is entirely composed of dwarves they are going to have a hard time using derro sized weaponry and armor; selling these items is fine, but this has the practical effect of them having lots of high powered armor. This functions in a manner similiar to how Gary gave the dark elves magic items without having worrying about the PCs having tons of extra magical items.
• Automatically possess the Blind Fighting proficiency due to superior hearing (see above). Additionally due to their keen hearing a derro of any HD may Hear Noise as a thief, with a 10% chance per Hit Die, example a 3 HD derro may hear noises with a base chance of 30%. A secondary function of this ability is that all derro possess the sound analysis proficiency from the 1st edition Dungeoneer’s Survival Guide. With this, derro are very difficult to surprise.
• They are cunning and intelligent in combat; play them as such.
• Savants have genius level intelligence use that as well.
• Savants have spell-casting capabilities; these are increased in my campaign world.
• Savants can use any magical item, even if they don’t know command words (where applicable).
• Savants can have weird magical effects to their spells; feel free to make them unusual
• All derro savants and apprentice savants can instinctively use read magic and comprehend languages an unlimited number of times per day.
  Derro high level savants will often have 2d4 Umber Hulks as servants through charm monster spells. 

In terms of Cons or negatives? There are only a few:

• Only have a Movement rate of 9; players will most often be able to outrace them.
• Infravision is only 30’; lowest of all the underground races.
• Derro are chaotic evil; As such they can be prone to the strife this alignment is known for. Another issue to consider is if your PCs have a paladin and he gets the inevitable holy avenger...
• Sunlight- the effects of sunlight are vague in the 2nd edition Monstrous Manual. However Dragon #241 has a much more complete discussion of effects: All derro are nauseated by direct sunlight touching their skin, losing 1 hit point per hour of exposure and suffering a -2 to all combat rolls, defensive adjustments, and saving throws while exposed. Hit-point losses are slow to heal if curative magic is not used; only 1 hit point per day maximum will be healed by complete rest, so a derro left outdoors will lapse into a coma and die after a few days of a condition resembling heatstroke. All spells and magical powers that duplicate prolonged sunlight (such as continual light) have this same effect, though the light spell, flashes of bright light, and normal bonfires, torches, and lanterns do not.

Although they are ambushing types, with their weird effective weapons, magic resistance and a host of other abilities and tactics to boot the are tough customers. Derro also have great unique weaponry in the derro repeating crossbow with poison bolts, a specialized hook-fauchard,  and aklys (which is useful in cramped, underground settings). They can also be beefed up by tooling up the "elites", that's what I call the derro sons and daughthers taht comprise 10% of any derro war party armed with heavier armor, spears and military picks (although I'd have them use the hook-fauchard).

All in all, these monsters are bad-ass. On top of that they got their own box set, the Night Below. That's enough for a adventure and a campaign setting all in one. Need a review of Night Below? Here is a pretty balanced one. Derro appear in a number of modules and articles, here are but a few (this is by no means complete):

• Dungeon #20 “The Ship of Night”
• Dungeon #44 “Train of Events”
• Dungeon #79 “Cloudkill”
• Dragon #241 “Legacies of the Suel Imperium”
• Greyhawk Ruins
• WGA3- Flames of the Falcon
• From the Ashes- Greyhawk boxed set
• Doomgrinder

Another great point about the derro? They appear in the best module of all time: UK4 When a Star Falls. I think I might need to write up a blog post about that, my favorite monster and my favorite module? "Two great tastes that go great together." (3)

So to recap. Your players lamenting the drow and you need a different race to take their place in you games? Look no further then the derro. I also think that properly panned out, a TPK could very easily be accomplished in my not so humble opinion.

Another great avenue is that they hate humans and demi-humans this gives them even more reasons to be raiding on the surface then the deep dwelling dark elves. Throw in that a local communcity of derro are undergoing a Uniting War and a lot of upheavel can be thrown into a campaign, of which the PCs can be stuck in the middle of. Couple this with the events of Kingdom of the Ghouls in Dungeon #70 and a DM has all of the Underdark political intrigue he could want.

(1) If you know anything about me you know how much I like illusionists or gnomes, or both...

(2) In joke- as in Dwimmermount is/was "legendary" (chortle).

(3) Hey I was a pre-teen in the 80s? What do you expect?

In Defense of the Maligned- Part II, Oriental Adventures

(Part I of this two-parter covering Unearthed Arcana is here.)

Much like Part I, this is not a straight review of the product itself, but more of a high-level discussion around the particulars of the time, and the how and why it came about.

The biggest gripe that makes me shake my head? “It’s too much Shōgun and not enough Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon!”

Usually a lot of the ire also revolves around some of the things Oriental Adventures (OA) featured — namely non-weapon proficiencies. As we all know, NWPs (“non-weapon proficiencies”) were included because those things are from the spawn of Satan and any game that has them can’t be good. More on that below.

Did it ever occur to these same people that some folks actually like Shōgun?

Consider the timeframe. James Clavell’s Shōgun was written in 1975, and the miniseries aired in the early 1980s. It was very much in the national consciousness and a contemporary of Dungeons & Dragons. It seems completely natural to me that Oriental Adventures would come about.

Before I get going, on a completely random note: I really like the cover of the book. Samurai, ninja, a Japan/Nippon-style castle in the background, and those pastel colors invoking the Far East? Damn skippy. Pack it with samurai riding a foo creature? Good to go.

Oriental Adventures (at least to me) was part of the "ninja craze" that gripped the USA in the middle 1980s. There were awesome/bad movies like American Ninja, GI Joe had ninjas, Hell go back to the 1960s with James Bond and ninjas show up in "You Only Live Twice". Point being that the inclusion of was building long before the publication of Oriental Adventurers. Couple that with the point above about Shogun? Works for me.

The Messy Production History of Oriental Adventures

Now onto some of the particulars about OA which aren’t really in dispute:

1. Oriental Adventures started as an idea by Gary Gygax and François Marcela-Froideval. Apparently François’ manuscript was only about 30 pages, double-spaced… obviously not enough to fill a major hardcover book.
2. Gary turned to Zeb Cook to finish it on a tight four-month deadline.
3. Given that TSR needed hardcovers out the door because of their shaky financial position (due to mismanagement by the Blumes), getting the book published was critical.
4. Gary was tied up with the fight against the Blumes, hence him tapping Zeb to finish the product.
5. Cook did the work.

After that, the story of Oriental Adventures gets as sordid as a soap opera. Note that Gary’s name is on it — this is hardly a revelation — but it doesn’t say “By Gary Gygax.” There’s a whole twisted tale here that outlines Mike Berrault’s work with Zeb regarding the situation around 2nd Edition and touches on the timing of Oriental Adventures. (Warning: it’s long and full of grognardiness.) It also shows some interesting tidbits regarding Gary’s maneuvering to regain copyright.

Then there’s the whole angle of Gary’s later distaste for the product after he had left TSR. I’m not going to delve into Gary’s musings, but the legend of François Marcela-Froideval’s “Lost Manuscript” just won’t seem to die. There seems to be a faction of people that believes this lost piece of gamer lore, as originally presented, is “the holy grail, the font of knowledge, etc.” (I’m aware of the samurai class as presented by François, but not much more past that.)

With no slight intended to Mr. Marcela-Froideval, if it had been up to par in Gary’s estimation, then how come there wasn’t more? How come it didn’t form the book? Partisans on either side will point fingers, saying the other side is self-serving on this point of contention: just how much there was to become an actual rulebook. By Cook’s estimation there wasn’t nearly enough. In the absence of any evidence to the contrary, that’s where it stands. The burden isn’t on Zeb’s work to prove it doesn’t belong; it actually got produced. The burden of proof is on those who believe François’ work was/would have been better.

Another angle to consider is to look at Zeb’s output compared to François’. François was (and apparently still is) active in the realm of comic books/graphic novels. I have no objection to that. In the realm of gaming, Zeb had a lot more output of gaming material — and depending on which side of the partisan divide one is on, the quality of it. For me, Zeb’s place is assured. 2nd Edition AD&D is excellent, and he produced such gems as X1: Isle of Dread, I1: Dwellers of the Forbidden City, BH2: Lost Conquistador Mine, Planescape , and many more. Usually the objections I hear are that a lot of his stuff is uneven — again, depending on which side of the divide you’re on. Ironically, the works of his that garner the most praise in old-school gamer circles (I2) is one of the things I like the least. And in newer circles Planescape garners a lot of praise but again is not my favorite.

Looking at the quandary objectively and using Gary’s own words from Tim Cask's Q&A thread over at dragonsfoot: "I have nothing to add save to state that I stand on my creative works, and Mr. Arneson can do the same."

Applying that same logic: let’s take Zeb’s work and compare it to François’ in the context of AD&D. If François’ Oriental Adventures was indeed superior, would it not have seen the light of day by now? Or put another way: compare Zeb’s output to François’. It’s not even close.

Again, I’ll reiterate that I don’t know either man. I never got a chance to converse with Zeb before the rabid neckbeards ran him off from Dragonsfoot, and I’ve never corresponded with François. I am, however, interested in slaying this particular zombie as it keeps staggering back to life.

I should also note that I am not implying any rivalry between Zeb and François. I have no knowledge of that timeframe, nor do I claim to. I’m simply looking at the scant evidence presented and making logical inferences.

Gary is a somewhat unreliable source in all of this as well, as his statements are not always consistent over the years. Again, nothing is implied here. We are human, memories fade, and they vary. Add to the fact that Zeb was the lead designer of 2nd Edition and he didn’t follow Gary after he left TSR? I’m sure there was some bad blood on Gary’s side in regards to Zeb. Prior to Gary leaving there seems to have been some affection for Zeb; afterwards it ended.

From what I’ve read about Zeb, it seems clear he was aware of his own failings, took criticism (whether deserved or not), and did the best he could. He handled the situation with dignity and class in the face of unreasoning hate for something he tried his very best to do. And for the abuse hurled at him from around the web? Ridiculous.

So what am I trying to say? Just like 2nd Edition itself, people attach all sorts of crap to the rules of OA — and by extension to Zeb — that has everything to do with defending Gary and nothing to do with the rules themselves or Zeb as a game designer/writer. What does that sound like? (Yes, I’m repeating myself): 2nd Edition Dungeons & Dragons as a whole.

OA fits into that era to a degree — it’s a late 1st Edition product. And much like I alluded to in Part I, it also points the way that Gary may very well have been going in regards to his version of 2nd Edition.

On the negative side

I can see how people object to the land mass (which predates the inclusion of the Forgotten Realms) being more China-inspired, yet the rules being more in line with Japan. This is a fair point. By the flip side, the Kara-Tur boxed set does detail the mysterious Orient well and expands the lands in far greater detail. Taken by the book alone it’s a fair criticism perhaps, but stuff doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Added to this, if need be, OA has enough details that the Kara-Tur boxed set isn’t exactly needed.

Non-Weapon Proficiencies (NWPs) were an area of the game that was badly needed, and with their inclusion — along with the ones in the Dungeoneer’s Survival Guide and Wilderness Survival Guide — they pointed the way forward.

Now, to run a counter-line to my own thinking and tangentially related: perhaps adventuring in Wa is too boring. After all, it models feudal Japan after Tokugawa united the land following the turmoil of the 1400s. In a way it’s too orderly, with not enough action and fighting going on. Strangely enough, this is mirrored in the Forgotten Realms in the Kingdom of Cormyr. Cormyr is too orderly, too close-knit — well… boring. Despite my love of 2nd Edition, I’ve never been a fan of adventuring in Cormyr: too many rules, too much law, and the War Wizards watching everything.

While that sounds like a very safe place to live (especially if you’re a pseudo-medieval peasant), it’s an entirely boring place to be an adventurer. You even need adventuring licenses? Ugh. The best adventuring locales tend to be areas where law is the weakest — where the heroes are making their own way, whether on the frontier of the American West, the Borderlands with its eponymous Keep, or something in between. So too for the Utter East.

In summation, I’ll gladly take Shōgun. It’s what you make of it once you’re presented with it that counts.

The Five Worst AD&D Modules of All Time

No BS, no long winded explanations, here goes the five worst AD&D modules of the TSR era.


1. N2- The Forest Oracle
The worst and I mean the worst 1st edition Dungeons and Dragons module of all time, AND for bonus points the worst Dungeons and Dragons module of all time of any edition: N2- The Forest Oracle (I just vomited in my mouth thinking about this capitalistic suck fest of a module). Some want to say that the mini module Terrible Trouble at Tragidore is the worst, that is Shakespeare compared to this hideous beast of a module. I think people offer up TTT as a slight thrown in the direction of 2nd edition, but that dog don't hunt.

I so wanted to like this module based on the rather cool cover when I bought it, but alas this thing is so bad its actually an insult to things that are actually bad... To paraphrase the immortal line from the movie Space Balls, "Its gone from suck to blow". And the kicker? I think I paid $5-6 dollars for this piece of shit which turned out to be $5-6 to much.

So what is wrong with this suckfest? Where do I begin? The text blocks are difficult to read, the stats are contradictory, confusing or plain wrong. The random rolls instructions are a mess, the plot (such that it is) is full of more holes then Swiss cheese, the suspension of disbelief is not there, the NPCs are odd, in short its a train wreck.

Did I mention that it has a cool cover?

Lets see there has to be at least one good point about N2... Lets see, hrmmm, maybe? How about?

Did I mention that it has a cool cover? Wait I already said that?

I won't bore you with all the gory details of the actual module as that might be a violation of the Geneva Convention so I'd say get yourself some Xanax, a stun gun and a frontal lobotomy and you are good to go with this "module". If you can get it for free I still think that's too much.

Also for your reading pleasure the fine folks here terminate this module with "extreme prejudice". (Bonus points for the movie quote reference.)  "These men are not acrobats"... Indeed. Also if you are not brave enough to read the whole thing you can get a taste of it here.

2. WG7- Castle Greyhawk
Coming in at a far distant second is Castle Greyhawk. I say distant second not because there are redeeming qualities to G7- Castle Greyhawk... its because  N2- Forest Oracle is that bad. The joke module of Castle Greyhawk in the vein of Paranoia and Toon which were comical RPGs back in the day. There were some other adventures in the same vein in Dungeon like "Fluffy goes to Heck". In all I usually classify these with the April Fools issues of Dragon were there would be puns afoot. I have to say this is also a disappointing module for me as I thought I was getting my hands on "Castle Greyhawk", little did I know. In all its just another sad part to the saga that is the lost of Gary and Rob's actual Greyhawk Castle and mega dungeon. In a way, it's time to move on, with Gary gone and the fact that the dungeons were only barely sketched out as it a case of their true nature will never be seen.

Yes I'm aware of Gary's stuff with Castles and Crusades (which I've not read) but at the time Gary was not well and I have to wonder as to all of it being as he remembered it, rather then what it was.

3. WG9- Gargoyles, WG10- Child's Play and WG11- Puppets
All three of these sucked ass so bad that the stench emanating from each has a distinct odor, that of equally bad well... suckage. It might be a cheat to add all three together but ah well. 

In general all three are boring reads, I think one of them has drool damage from me falling asleep reading one of them. As a punishment I refuse to put them in plastic bags to protect them in the man cave. Sometimes I torment them by placing them next to the very few 3e stuff that I have, serves 'um right I say. On bad days I threaten them with "I'm going to buy some 4e stuff and you can go sit in that corner!"

Thank God in each case I only paid $1 for each; I think Child's Play I got for free. On second thought,  TSR/Wizards/Hasbro actually owes me and everyone else who bought these pieces of crap and/or wasted their time on them.

Gargoyle? Hired to collect a wingless gargoyle's wings??? I've heard of some crappy motives to go on an adventure but this has to be right up there with the worst. 

Child's Play? Just look at the cover! I wonder if he's specialized in rake? To be honest its been years since I even glanced at it. Every time I get the notion to read one of the three (especially this one) I lie down and count to 1 million, because that would be more interesting.

I do hesitate for a second on Puppets as it could have been a cool idea, the idea was sound, but just doesn't get there. Oh yeah recycled art for the cover of Dragon #80 for the not-so-much-of-a-win... Seemed in vogue at the time with TSR as they also did it with B11 and B12.

So there you go, #3 here gives you three sucktastic modules for the "price" of one.

4. C1- Hidden Shrine of Tamoachan
Heresey I know right? Along with some of the others on this list I've wanted my money back after spending it. This is a boring, near zero treasure slog. I've played it twice and enjoyed it less and less each time. It's also the poster child for a "DM's woody module" as in "Look how I just dicked you guys over are you dumb or what hahahahahah!" Inescapable death traps with minuscule treasure? Yeah sign me up for that...

And the setup to get to this rail-road? "CCCCHHhhhhhhoooo Choooooooo, all aboard!" Next time a grog complains the Dragonlance modules and their railroad nature, fling this at them.

5. UK1- Beyond the Crystal Cave
Lets see if I have this right? A game predicated on hacking and slashing, taking monsters treasure and the point of this module is to not do so? This ugly stain of a module is the only wall flower in the otherwise outstanding modules that comprise the UK line. It dishonors the UK line in much the same way the WG7 dishonors Gary's works, just not at the same magnitude.

Like N2, the cover looks enticing, but its all downhill from there. Romeo and Juliet in AD&D, how wonderful, except Shakespeare's Romeo& Juliet had more action, deaths and plot then this slog to boredom.

Dishonorable mention goes to  Terrible Trouble at Tragidor, for me by reputation alone. Fortunately my 2nd edition DM screen came without this "module" for which I consider myself lucky. Die Vecna Die? Also gets a sniff somewhere in the pantheon of bad modules.

"Enjoy" these craptastic modules and drink a whole bottle of alcohol if you really want to punish yourself at the gaming table.