Getting the drop on the opposition in AD&D, a visual

After playing RPGs and war-games since 1982 I have come across tons of art; some good, some bad and some in between. Of the old school artists from the early days of TSR are Tramp and

But this post is not about that. This post is about something so over the top gonzo. So over the top that it is epic bad/good. So cool that it is hard to quantify. So of course it is something from 2nd Edition Advanced Dungeons and Dragons. I should also note that despite 2nd Edition being my favorite version of Dungeons and Dragons and how I run it (see here) I am not a particularly huge fan of the Forgotten Realms.

So with that said this cover is nothing short of pure awesomeness. 

At first I never paid this much attention back in the day: I do not currently have or need the book. But the more I look at it I have come to realize just how gob smacking cool this is! All too often over the years I have seen knights fighting hordes of bad guys ad-nauseam, orcs, thieves climbing demon idols, menacing beholders and mighty dragons on the wing and everything in between.

But getting the drop on some town guard flunky in such an unorthodox way? That is the stuff that legends are made of! And to do it with a loaf of ciabatta bread, left-handed? You do not get much more pimp than this move. Imagine the consternation of said city watchman heading back to the guard tower:

Master at Arms at the Tower: "So, William, did you bring the outlaw scum at the Sleepy Dragon Inn?"

William: (sheepishly) "No, I... uhhhhh... couldn't find him."

Master at Arms at the Tower: "Why is your face and neck covered with bread crumbs?"

I mean really who is going to own up to the fact that some dude in a tavern got the drop on you with his freaking DINNER! A plate maybe, a hunk of bread????

You might loathe 2nd Edition AD&D, you might not like the art (I have certainly seen better) you might not like the subject matter. But when is the last time you got the drop on someone in the game with one of your characters utilizing a loaf of bread? I am guessing never.

UK4- When a Star Falls – Old School AD&D Thoughts and a Review

 

Introduction

The seminal UK series has many great modules, but without a doubt the best is UK4 When a Star Falls Falls by Graeme Morris. As I alluded to in my derro post, this module is a match made in heaven. Derro + UK4 = awesome.

Given the module code, it was created by the UK division of TSR. Released in 1984, it’s a standard 32 pages with excellent full-color maps and a sharp graphical layout. The cover notes it’s for 6–10 players of levels 3–5 (though I can’t imagine running it with that many). It features the orange border common in later 1st edition modules, plus a proud Union Jack, because they can. The layout, borders, interior illustrations, title fonts… everything about the presentation is top-notch. The cover art fits the module perfectly, and having one consistent artist throughout really pays off, especially compared to the clashing styles you sometimes see in modules like A1- Slave Pits of the Undercity..

A flood of memories from the memory web...

I wanted to buy this based on the cover alone back in the day. As a poor, cash-strapped pre-teen I saw it in Dragon magazine and it immediately stood out. When I finally got my hands on it? I think I read it ten times in the span of just a few days.

When the argument breaks out online about which AD&D module is the best, I’m there backing UK4 every time.

Funnily enough, I think I discovered this module right around the time I bought the Unearthed Arcana with my own money (as I noted here). That’s probably why both still stand out so strongly for me.

Everything about this module is perfect or near-perfect. The stat blocks read cleanly, the text for the PCs is crisp and concise, and the art fits from stem to stern. And one of the best aspects? It has derro in it! When I first got the module I had no idea, but considering they’re my favorite monster and this is my favorite module? Total bonus. As I noted here, yeah — I’m a big fan of derro.

Background

The premise of the module is that the PCs need to investigate a fallen star. The adventure notes that the party spotted the star falling fairly close by, only 3–4 nights before the adventure begins. Shortly afterward they encounter a wounded memory web — a monster that absorbs memories. Once slain, it floods the PCs with a rush of memories, some of which are vitally important and give them a clear direction to the Tower of Heavens.

It feels a bit ham-fisted at first glance, but it gets the adventure moving quickly. And honestly, it beats the classic “a stranger in a cloak walks up to you in a tavern.” In a quasi-medieval world, comets are harbingers of doom — the locals would react with fear and curiosity, and so should the players.

DERRO!

There’s a fly in the ointment, however. While the elder sage Shalfey sends his monks to recover the fallen star, his treacherous former pupil Piyarz attempts a coup. The elder sage barely manages to barricade himself in the upper levels of the Tower of Heavens. Piyarz also sends his primary minion — the shade Sion — to track the monks and, eventually, the PCs. Sion is dangerous and unlikely to fight to the death. The best approach is often to let him slip away and reappear later for hit-and-run harassment.

From the memory web’s visions, the PCs should learn that a druid/sage named Derwyth holds key knowledge about the star’s location. If they were smart enough to recover the bestiary the monks were carrying, Derwyth will trade valuable calculations for it. (As an aside, a character with Astronomy or Astrology proficiency in 1st or 2nd edition should have a decent shot at figuring some of this out themselves. Without it, expect to pay around 1,500 gp.)

The Derro Outpost

Once armed with the location, the party heads to the impact site — which just so happens to be a derro outpost. For the derro, it was the worst possible timing. The star smashed into the top of the pass, flattening their lair, killing many, and leaving the survivors digging out amid the rubble. The ruined lair is excellently detailed and shows the recent chaos vividly: derro and slaves working frantically, structural damage everywhere, and some inhabitants who clearly do not rest easy. Like many parts of this adventure, the lair has great potential for continued use after the module ends.

Once (if) the party fights or sneaks through the derro, they recover the fallen star itself. It’s not magical, but it is extremely valuable.

Therno Pass is the next major locale after leaving the derro lair. There are some preset encounters that can be expanded, or the DM can use the excellent and flavorful random encounter chart — a real strength across almost the entire UK series. 

The Tower of Heavens

One of the coolest segments of the adventure is the Tower of Heavens and the sages who dwell within. Situated in a river and accessible only by ferry, it features a ton of excellent maps. The tower is “guarded” by gnomes? (Ugh.) Reaching it is no small feat, and the ferryman Hadley will try to get the players to give Shalfey’s password. If the PCs are smart and paying attention, he’s a solid source of information about the current state of the tower.

The sages — especially the elder sage Shalfey — are dependent on the recovery of the fallen star, though the PCs don’t know that at first. Piyarz’s rebellion stemmed from his impatience to take over as elder sage. With Shalfey’s monks gone, Piyarz attempted a coup. It was only partially successful; the elder sage managed to barricade himself in the uppermost levels. Piyarz also sent his primary minion, the shade Sion, to track the monks and eventually the PCs.

The color-coded robes of the sages (from pupil up to Shalfey in white) and their matching monk retinues add a nice visual and hierarchical touch. Interactions with the tower’s inhabitants matter, Shalfey will be grateful for his rescue, but he won’t be happy if the PCs cause major damage or loss of life. I’ve used the elder sage and his surviving pupils as recurring NPCs in my own campaigns before, and some were decidedly less than cordial to parties that had previously mistreated them.

A fun side note: I love the spectator at area T17. Anytime a spectator shows up, it’s time for great role-playing.

The path to Shalfey isn’t easy. Defenses like the Bridge of Faith (Area T18) and the permanent maze spell in the Labyrinth (Area T20) can cause real grief.

When the PCs finally reach the elder sage, he is just finishing the burning of the previous set of the Books of Prophecy. They are now blank and useless to him. The PCs must now take the fallen star to a reclusive group of deep gnomes, who will trade the next set of books for it. In return, Shalfey promises the adventurers one magical item apiece, randomly determined when drawn from a prismatic sphere.

The location of the wizened deep gnomes isn’t far, and the trip there can be uneventful or full of peril, depending on the DM’s choice.

The elder sage, Shalfey

The Deep Gnomes Forge

The ancient deep gnomes are known as the Kagu-svirfnebi. They are a small band that splintered from their main clan some time ago and have been waiting for the arrival of the PCs. They were alerted via scroll that the contents of the dome (actually a prismatic sphere) would be exchanged for a black rock that they would cut into one of the greatest gems ever known. It would take them a lifetime to cut it, but lust and greed overcame them. They cut off all contact with their kin and waited.

Now the PCs arrive with the stone, and their long wait is nearly over. The years of isolation have turned them slightly evil, with a strong penchant for avarice.

Deep Gnomes and their wacky machinery

Assuming the PCs come to an agreement, the gnomes will honor their word. They escort the party to the “shimmering dome,” where the star-rock is required to collapse the

But the adventure is not quite over. To return the books to Shalfey, the PCs must get past a pair of sub-adult red dragons. This encounter can be very deadly. The young dragons show up once the Kagu-svirfnebi workshop begins to self-destruct; the rumblings in the mountain draw them to investigate. The party may be exiting in a hurry, possibly at less than full strength and with the gnomes sabotaging their equipment. Multiple breath weapons could easily result in a TPK.

If run in 2nd edition AD&D, these two dragons are especially deadly. A young adult does 10d10+5 damage with its breath weapon, and breathing every other round? I doubt any group of 6–10 adventurers of levels 3–5 could withstand that if they choose to fight rather than parley.

Once the dragons are dealt with, it’s back to Shalfey for their rewards and the conclusion of the adventure. A crafty DM, however, can use many of the hooks left dangling: What are the derro doing in the area? What happens when the gnomes finally carve the gem, perhaps the derro want it for one of their crazy machines, in the style of Richard Shaver’s stories? What about Sion the shade? If he wasn’t slain earlier, he can reappear to harass the PCs later. There’s also strong potential for using Derwyth and Shalfey as recurring NPCs. Shalfey is old and well-connected in the region, and the Tower of Heavens is a perfect repository of lore and prophecy for planting future adventure seeds.

Suffice it to say, there are plenty of ways to make use of this material long after the module ends.

Final thoughts

There are only two real quibbles, and they’re minor: the minimals (ugh...I’m not a fan). Each of the two times I’ve run the adventure I’ve skipped them without a second thought. If I ran it again I’d probably use gibberlings as an ambush force instead.

The second is that I’ve never liked most of the sages’ names except for Shalfey. That’s pure personal preference. Maschin-I-Bozorg? Huh… what the hell is that?

Throughout the module, the random encounters really fit the feel of the adventure. It very much feels like you’re traveling through an enchanted land, with the right balance of animals and monsters. As I noted earlier, this is a strength shared by the vast majority of the UK series.

A good tie-in adventure is “Cloudkill” from Dungeon #79. It can link nicely afterward with more derro activity in the surrounding lands, perhaps from the same city, or a rival savant?

If the PCs thoroughly search Area K8 there’s the potential for a staggering amount of coin — up to 10,000 gp. Combined with the sizable (for the level) hoard in the red dragons’ lair, that’s a lot of treasure. It may be more than some DMs want at this level, so be warned.

One last note: the red dragons appear at the end while the PCs are hauling… books. Their breath weapons could pose a serious risk to the cargo. Something to consider.

Any way you slice it, this module is hands down great. No matter which scale you use, it gets 5 out of 5 stars or 10 out of 10. Yep, it’s that good

Have you run UK4 in your own campaigns? If so, how did it go and what were your players’ impressions?

Ironically, as I write this about my favorite AD&D module ever, one of my most treasured... I cant find my copy at all. So it looks like its off to find another. If it holds true to form prices will spike just as I go to buy one. And really, really true to form? I found my original one stuffed inside another module after my replacement arrived...

That Oddest of Birds in AD&D- Cosmology

Cosmology, the word alone means a number of things to a number of people as it pertains to D&D. The Great Wheel cosmology that marries up to the alignment charts are the first stabs at different planes of existence its neither good nor bad in my pinion, it just is. It introduced the ideas of planes and everything that was to come after. It also is an odd man out to a degree.

One of the things I often hear people refrain is "I don't like the Manual of the Planes" or "I don't like how AD&D cosmology is set up". Ok... so how would you do it I ask or wonder? The funny part is usually most people do not have a definitive answer, but rather a nebulous idea. Some sracth their heads because they really don't have an idea of how it could be better as they only know what D&D presented decades ago. This is probably to be expected given that cosmology in D&D is a bit of an odd-bird.

As originally presented in the 1st edition Players Handbook it looked like this. Then one one goes to what is presented in Deities and Demigods it doesn't get much better and the two don't exactly jibe. When one looks at the way that its presneted in the 1st edition Players Handbook then the differences to Deities and Demigods to the Manual of the Planes its apparent that throughout the late run of 1st edition the idea was continuing to evolve. Consider the Manual of the Planes, it expands and yet confounds more then it helps to a degree. Manual is another book that draws a lot of fire if for no other reason then it is what it is: a encyclopedia of facts and rules for the planes in a textbook fashion. It has its merits but still doesn't really satisfy. (This is not a defense or praise of the Manual of the Planes of which I'm neutral on. The astral dreadnought on the front cover is pretty damn cool.)

As is well know when Manual of the Planes came out when Gary was on the way out of TSR with his fight with the Blumes/Williams nearing its end. This leads many to label the likes of the Manual Planes along with the Dungeoneers Survival Guide and the Wilderness Survival Guide as "AD&D 1.5". I don't use this nomenclature, not for any reason revolving around a dislike but rather because it is an attempt to denote a separate game rather then what Gary created. I call it late 1st edition. Manual of the Planes in a way suffer from the company it keeps rather then its rules, which it should be fully judged on. In the end to me at least its a somewhat useful reference, but not one I consult all that often. MoP and  OP1- Tale of the Outer Planes.  These two formed the majority of late first edition material for the outer planes, well really all of it for that matter.

"Meh book, great cover."

With the move from 1st to 2nd edition AD&D the cosmology stayed roughly the same as it was in 1st. There really wasn't much movement and most adventures didn't really focus on this aspect of the game to any large degree anyways. It wasn't until the mid point of 2nd Edition's run that it was tackled.

Enter Plansescape which a number of people absolutely love. I can understand why, even though I'm not a fan per say I do like the Tony DiTerlizzi art and the graphical representation. Other like it because the CRPG Planescape: Torment captured it so well. For me Planescape is an odd bird there are parts that I like but as a whole its not something I would use especially in light of the topic of this blog post, cosmology. I think the one really interesting thing that Planescape introduces is Sigil: The City of Doors, a place that is connected to every point in the multiverse. That's a cool concept but sometimes I can't help but wonder if its merely a mechanism to facilitate adventuring at 1st level in the out planes? After all the PCs really aren't on the planes per say, they are in a walled garden where they can gain levels, experience other-worldly  creatures far beyond the norm of adventuring on the prime material plane. Add to the fact that Sigil can be seen as having some qualities of the "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy", to a degree that is. Then there is the story told by some of Planescape's designers (I think it was the modules) that "Hey, here 100 gps, go save the universe!" Basically saying that at first level in your traditional land of adventuring fare such inducements make sense, in the City of Doors less so. 

Planescape is likewise odd for me given the designer: Zeb Cook. Many people hold a grudge for his work on 2nd edition, the perceived or real animus Gary had for him. In my case much like say I1- Dwellers of the Forbidden City its some of his works I like the least. Its also odd that a lot of older school fans like Planescape in varying degrees as well as say I1. Different strokes and all. It just goes to show just how different my lense of D&D is from those who cam before me.

Tying it into my games my 2nd edition campaign world of Galena is heavily influenced by the Finnish myths and some of the cosmology is the same, some different. There are two other world places after death largely along the good/evil axis: Taladis (akin to Valhalla) and Pohjola (using as a name) but in the campaign world means "Halls of the Dead".  Positive and negative planes as well as the classical elemental planes and the astral are present. After that I ditch everything else. In doing so I'm able to ignore/avoid not use a lot of stuff that doesn't make much sense: no Olympus, River Styx, Valhalla, Plane of Concordant opposition??? You name it.  Also by drawing from the world of the Finns legends it brings something that is familiar yet at the same time different enough that it gives an exotic feel.

Last quick note, in a way the idea of Yggdrasil is a good one for D&D cosmology as its fairly self contained, just add the Astral plane "around" the tree and problem solved. As shown right here: 

A minor point that some might ponder: I don't use the ethereal? As presented in AD&D, either edition, I think excluding solves far more problems then it adds in terms of the game. Consider going through G1-3 with the possibility of popping around ethereal? This would be a huge advantage to any group and not out of the realm of possibility for a group of characters at that level. On the magic item front, what is lost? Plate mail of Etherealness... and a few other minor parts? Psionics? I don't use them either.

In closing I'm not entirely convinced that planes are the best way to represent cosmology in the game. Sigil and its doors has some merit, but as I noted I'm not overly found of it either. I also would like to add, as always this is no knock against the progenitors of the ideas. In most cases they were inventing as they went. Simply put, I'm just not sold on the ideas. Not sure if I ever was, but as I've gotten older a case of less is more works for me.

The Five Worst AD&D Modules of All Time

No BS, no long winded explanations, here goes the five worst AD&D modules of the TSR era.


1. N2- The Forest Oracle
The worst and I mean the worst 1st edition Dungeons and Dragons module of all time, AND for bonus points the worst Dungeons and Dragons module of all time of any edition: N2- The Forest Oracle (I just vomited in my mouth thinking about this capitalistic suck fest of a module). Some want to say that the mini module Terrible Trouble at Tragidore is the worst, that is Shakespeare compared to this hideous beast of a module. I think people offer up TTT as a slight thrown in the direction of 2nd edition, but that dog don't hunt.

I so wanted to like this module based on the rather cool cover when I bought it, but alas this thing is so bad its actually an insult to things that are actually bad... To paraphrase the immortal line from the movie Space Balls, "Its gone from suck to blow". And the kicker? I think I paid $5-6 dollars for this piece of shit which turned out to be $5-6 to much.

So what is wrong with this suckfest? Where do I begin? The text blocks are difficult to read, the stats are contradictory, confusing or plain wrong. The random rolls instructions are a mess, the plot (such that it is) is full of more holes then Swiss cheese, the suspension of disbelief is not there, the NPCs are odd, in short its a train wreck.

Did I mention that it has a cool cover?

Lets see there has to be at least one good point about N2... Lets see, hrmmm, maybe? How about?

Did I mention that it has a cool cover? Wait I already said that?

I won't bore you with all the gory details of the actual module as that might be a violation of the Geneva Convention so I'd say get yourself some Xanax, a stun gun and a frontal lobotomy and you are good to go with this "module". If you can get it for free I still think that's too much.

Also for your reading pleasure the fine folks here terminate this module with "extreme prejudice". (Bonus points for the movie quote reference.)  "These men are not acrobats"... Indeed. Also if you are not brave enough to read the whole thing you can get a taste of it here.

2. WG7- Castle Greyhawk
Coming in at a far distant second is Castle Greyhawk. I say distant second not because there are redeeming qualities to G7- Castle Greyhawk... its because  N2- Forest Oracle is that bad. The joke module of Castle Greyhawk in the vein of Paranoia and Toon which were comical RPGs back in the day. There were some other adventures in the same vein in Dungeon like "Fluffy goes to Heck". In all I usually classify these with the April Fools issues of Dragon were there would be puns afoot. I have to say this is also a disappointing module for me as I thought I was getting my hands on "Castle Greyhawk", little did I know. In all its just another sad part to the saga that is the lost of Gary and Rob's actual Greyhawk Castle and mega dungeon. In a way, it's time to move on, with Gary gone and the fact that the dungeons were only barely sketched out as it a case of their true nature will never be seen.

Yes I'm aware of Gary's stuff with Castles and Crusades (which I've not read) but at the time Gary was not well and I have to wonder as to all of it being as he remembered it, rather then what it was.

3. WG9- Gargoyles, WG10- Child's Play and WG11- Puppets
All three of these sucked ass so bad that the stench emanating from each has a distinct odor, that of equally bad well... suckage. It might be a cheat to add all three together but ah well. 

In general all three are boring reads, I think one of them has drool damage from me falling asleep reading one of them. As a punishment I refuse to put them in plastic bags to protect them in the man cave. Sometimes I torment them by placing them next to the very few 3e stuff that I have, serves 'um right I say. On bad days I threaten them with "I'm going to buy some 4e stuff and you can go sit in that corner!"

Thank God in each case I only paid $1 for each; I think Child's Play I got for free. On second thought,  TSR/Wizards/Hasbro actually owes me and everyone else who bought these pieces of crap and/or wasted their time on them.

Gargoyle? Hired to collect a wingless gargoyle's wings??? I've heard of some crappy motives to go on an adventure but this has to be right up there with the worst. 

Child's Play? Just look at the cover! I wonder if he's specialized in rake? To be honest its been years since I even glanced at it. Every time I get the notion to read one of the three (especially this one) I lie down and count to 1 million, because that would be more interesting.

I do hesitate for a second on Puppets as it could have been a cool idea, the idea was sound, but just doesn't get there. Oh yeah recycled art for the cover of Dragon #80 for the not-so-much-of-a-win... Seemed in vogue at the time with TSR as they also did it with B11 and B12.

So there you go, #3 here gives you three sucktastic modules for the "price" of one.

4. C1- Hidden Shrine of Tamoachan
Heresey I know right? Along with some of the others on this list I've wanted my money back after spending it. This is a boring, near zero treasure slog. I've played it twice and enjoyed it less and less each time. It's also the poster child for a "DM's woody module" as in "Look how I just dicked you guys over are you dumb or what hahahahahah!" Inescapable death traps with minuscule treasure? Yeah sign me up for that...

And the setup to get to this rail-road? "CCCCHHhhhhhhoooo Choooooooo, all aboard!" Next time a grog complains the Dragonlance modules and their railroad nature, fling this at them.

5. UK1- Beyond the Crystal Cave
Lets see if I have this right? A game predicated on hacking and slashing, taking monsters treasure and the point of this module is to not do so? This ugly stain of a module is the only wall flower in the otherwise outstanding modules that comprise the UK line. It dishonors the UK line in much the same way the WG7 dishonors Gary's works, just not at the same magnitude.

Like N2, the cover looks enticing, but its all downhill from there. Romeo and Juliet in AD&D, how wonderful, except Shakespeare's Romeo& Juliet had more action, deaths and plot then this slog to boredom.

Dishonorable mention goes to  Terrible Trouble at Tragidor, for me by reputation alone. Fortunately my 2nd edition DM screen came without this "module" for which I consider myself lucky. Die Vecna Die? Also gets a sniff somewhere in the pantheon of bad modules.

"Enjoy" these craptastic modules and drink a whole bottle of alcohol if you really want to punish yourself at the gaming table.

The Shortest Print Run in D&D History – And Why I’m Not Golf-Clapping at 4e’s Funeral

So long 4th edition, we hardly knew ya!

To be quite honest, I really don’t care what edition (or game) someone wants to play. 3rd edition D&D? Castles and Crusades? Lamentations of the Flame Princess, or anything in between? It’s not my cup of tea to rain on someone else’s parade. Now if we are talking FATAL then yeah, that goes out the window.

Enter the anti-2e crowd.

Suffice it to say my opinion of them is about as high as a kobold in good standing, which is to say, not much. And now that leaves the abuse that’s sure to come your way. My best defense against these clowns is a good offense.

With that said, I feel a strange kinship with 4th edition D&D fans right now. A four-year print run for the “current edition” of D&D is shockingly short. Wow, the shortest of them all actually. 4th edition has officially taken the mantle of whipping boy.

I’m not going to golf-clap at the funeral in classic grognard style, though. Your game might not have been my game, but I have a good deal of sympathy for you. My best advice: go on the offensive. When grognards tell you your edition sucks, point out the very real flaws of 1st edition AD&D (there are plenty). Don’t let them fool you. Initiative, horrible organization, psionics, and more, there’s plenty of fodder there. And this is from someone who likes 1st Edition very much.

Am I promoting edition wars? Some might see it that way. But I like to point out that most of us 2e folks were generally “live and let live”… until we got online and ran into the rabid neck beards (see definition #6). Then we learned real quick. Want proof? There are people online who actually believe Terrible Trouble at Tragidore is somehow representative of 2nd edition module quality.

Meanwhile, they’ve never laid eyes on the run of Dungeon magazine from issues #18–81, which rank among some of the best modules of all time. Modules like The Iron Orb of the Duergar, The Mud Sorcerer’s Tomb, and Kingdom of the Ghouls are insanely great to name but a few.

If you stay the course for your favored edition, then by all means do so, and don’t let anyone tell you different. Your game is not my game, but I can’t help but feel a kinship. Your edition is now going to be the least supported of them all:

• 0e, Basic, 1st, and 2nd are more or less interchangeable despite what anyone may think.
• 3rd had a mountain of material, and Pathfinder can easily fill the gap.
• That leaves 4th on its own island…

I say this because it looks like 5th edition is (allegedly) going back to its roots. Time will tell there.

In closing its going to be a lonely road, but if it's your course steer it: "Second star to the right... and straight on until morning."

(Yes I know it's from Peter and Wendy.)

Here We Go Again: 5th Edition D&D and the Familiar Edition Churn

 

 

Normally I’m the type of guy who will let things play out rather than rush to condemn. But the recent announcement of 5^th Edition over at the Wizards of the Coast website made me throw that approach out the window.

I’m generally a “live and let live” kind of guy, but I also like to call out idiocy when it rears its ugly head. All over the web people are talking about what the announcement means. The main question I keep coming back to is simple: Did D&D really need a new edition?

My answer is no. And this isn’t some reactionary knee-jerk response. Wizards has managed to screw up D&D — or succumb to edition churn — at an ever-alarming rate. Take your pick. In fact, it might be both. This is simply the latest chapter.

"I come in brown AND I "squirt."

Some will say, “How can you know it’s going to be bad before you see it?” Sorry, but I didn’t have to reserve judgment to know that Justin Bieber, the Microsoft Kin, Google Buzz and Wave a ave, and the Microsoft Zune were going to be craptastic. Some things are just born to suck.

First, some history is in order for those not in the know. Wizards of the Coast is not the originator of the game. Wizards is a subsidiary of Hasbro that subsumed TSR, thereby acquiring the rights to D&D.

The history of D&D is a sordid one stretching back to its roots in the 1970s. Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson are credited with jointly creating the game, but a sealed settlement and both men being deceased means we may never know the full details of what actually went down. Enter the Blumes, and later Lorraine Williams, and you have a situation where the main creative driver of the game never really had control — or had it for exceedingly short periods of time.

1st Edition succeeded in spite of the efforts of those fighting against Gary (as near as I and others can figure). TSR went belly-up in the ’90s through mismanagement (again, largely Lorraine Williams promising to “show how real companies are run”). But I digress. Wizards snatched it up, only to be bought by Hasbro in turn. There you have it: a game of IP hot potato where the name itself became more important than the content.

And there is one of the main reasons Wizards of the Coast is churning out yet another edition of D&D. (For those counting: 3.0 in 2000, 3.5 shortly thereafter, and the miserable failure that is 4e in 2008.) The IP is simply too valuable to ignore, and the best way to exploit it is a new edition. There, I said it.

My suspicion is that this endless edition churn is about money, plain and simple. First off, I have no issue with a company wanting to make money — people have families to support, I get that. But call it what it is.

It’s no different than the Iraq War. Had Bush Jr. just said the real reason we went in was to get rid of Saddam for trying to whack his father, I’d have been fine with it. Instead we got weapons of mass destruction. Wizards is in the same boat: call it like it is, guys.

4e went out the gates destroying everything that came before it Attila the Hun style — and they did it gleefully. The only problem with scorched-earth tactics is that you ravage the countryside… and then you get a peasant revolt for good measure. That revolt’s name was Pathfinder. As I wrote about last year, the Pathfinder rift vs. 4e was the biggest shift since the 1st/2nd edition transition. The difference is that the move to 2e was a minor tremor compared to the earthquake of customers jumping ship to a competitor.

You created the madness that led to your own fractured customer base.

Edition churn is nothing new. D&D never reached truly self-sustaining numbers even in its heyday, so the only way for publishers to stay afloat is new editions. I’ve talked about this before at Dragonsfoot — the game was always a rather wobbly business model, and it has repeated itself nearly every iteration. In my opinion, the model is not sustainable and requires a reboot every so often to survive.

So now we get to the crux of all this: 5th Edition D&D, which is supposed to be the big tent that brings everyone back in to play. Do they really think we’re that dumb? That their olive-branch “D&D détente” is anything more than a PR move?

Had they really been interested in offering a D&D for all editions all along, they would have done so. Instead they took the approach of trying to force customers to the new edition by cutting off support for the old, reasoning that with no official material we’d come crawling back anyway.

Except that didn’t happen. The peasants banded together, formed their own communities, wrote their own material, and said “thanks, we’ll go it alone.”

The problem only became dire once the money spigot turned off and Wizards was forced to look around for new (old) customers. Prior to the 4e debacle they were doing just fine and wrote us off as lost causes. As I wrote last time, they had already lost the Pathfinder crowd. Those people weren’t coming back, and the industry couldn’t attract enough brand-new players to make up the difference.

So somewhere in the bowels of Wizards someone had a “come to Jesus” moment. Hypothetical Marketing Employee: “I know, let’s release a new edition that promises an old-school feel! Even better, we’ll market it at all those folks we discarded years ago. I’m sure they’ll buy whatever we shovel out. Better yet, they’ll be so grateful!”

Yeah… good luck with that, WotC.

Given my background and interest in computer history, there is one recent company that Wizards of the Coast is doing their best imitation of: Quark. The parallels between QuarkXPress losing the desktop publishing wars to Adobe InDesign are eerily similar. For a good read on the subject, check this article from 2005. It talks about Vista, but look past that and focus on Quark’s history: they made every customer-related mistake in the book and invented a few new ones for good measure. Worse, they didn’t realize it until far too late and alienated a ton of people in the process.

Sound familiar?

Wizards should have read up on this, because they followed the same failed strategy to their folly. Basically, put Wizards in place of Quark, and Paizo with Pathfinder in place of Adobe, and you have the same story in the making. Or as I like to say: “Same circus, different clowns.”

Next up, I keep hearing about the “big tent” approach for 5th Edition D&D. Big tents don’t work, because by their very nature they are a compromise. And compromises, by definition, mean no one walks away from the table truly happy.

Some have countered with “Well, what’s the alternative?” I postulate that maybe there isn’t one. The genie is out of the bottle. It came out in 1985 and isn’t being stuffed back in anytime soon. There is far too much damage to repair and far too much baggage.

And on top of all that, I’m still not convinced a new edition needed to be created in the first place.

On the subject of style of play, I keep hearing that 5th Edition will have a “retro feel.” Well, no kidding? What else are they going to say? Until I see it with my own eyes, color me skeptical. Are they going to admit it plays more like World of Warcraft than traditional D&D?

And if we really need a D&D version that has that old-school feel, then just pick up a copy of Castles & Crusades. No matter what the d-bags and naysayers like to paint it as, it delivers that old-school feel.

Again: is a new edition of D&D needed? Again, no.

Want retro with some new rules? Here it is.

 I should hasten to add, as I’ve stated on Dragonsfoot, that I have no beef with how people want to get their D&D/role-playing entertainment. Go scratch your gaming itch however you want. Unlike some of the ass-hats in the OSR community (some of whom are now quietly deleting their flame-bait, frothing neckbeard incendiary bombs on various sites), I won’t tell a newer gamer that they’re “wrong” for liking what they like. I’ve had that hurled at me for endorsing 2nd Edition, and I’m not passing it on to others.

I’m a big proponent of newer gamers playing what they will look back on fondly years later as their “golden age of gaming.” My game is not their game, and I’m fine with that.

But that leads to the overall point: Why even do this?

By its nature, a modular approach is going to mean that even if you somehow got everyone to stop playing their current edition and move to 5th, they’re still only going to buy the parts that recreate the game they actually want. It also limits who will buy any given add-on. Or, put another way, this is what TSR did with all the campaign settings back in the ’90s that helped lead to its demise.

Wizards will (whether they know it or not) put everyone into separate buckets. It was Bill Slavicsek who said: “It’s raining money outside and you want to catch as much of it as you can. You can either make a really big bucket or waste your time and attention by creating a lot of really small buckets — either way, you’re never going to make more rain.”

In this case, Wizards is hoping to get some people who haven’t spent money on them in years to do so. Call me foolish, but while this is similar to the 1st/2nd Edition split, it’s far worse. It’s like they forgot the whole episode that led to the decline of 2nd Edition. At least 1st and 2nd are nearly compatible.

And that is about the only area where Wizards has a shot with me personally: stuff that I could use with my existing 1st/2nd Edition material for adventures. I’m highly unlikely to buy the core rules. Maybe that is their intention, but either way it’s unlikely that all players will belly up to the same table.

"Still need some help lugging this! Where's Nodwick?

Tangentially related to all this is the matter of style, look, and feel. To me this has never been a major issue the way it is for some. I’ll admit I’m not a fan of the manga dragonborn/tiefling goth assassin/warforged “over-sized weaponry, armor, and more gear than a U.S. Marine” aesthetic (see left), but it’s not enough to make me refuse to buy something on that alone.

Grognards need to get over the fact that nudity was going to be excised from the game, as were its more violent elements, in any edition that came after 1st. 1st Edition was created during the free-wheeling 1970s. The conservative 1980s were a reactionary phase, and thus the more toned-down feel of 2nd Edition was very much a product of the times. In short, don’t expect it to look like it did in First Edition.

I must confess that Bill Willingham was my favorite TSR artist back in the day for either First or Second Edition, but I don’t expect he’s getting hired back anytime soon.

In closing, a version of D&D designed to appeal to all players of all editions is likely going to satisfy none of them. I hear talk of a modular approach — a core game with optional parts you can add? What, you mean like people have been doing since RPGs began?

While I may end up being wrong about this, I don’t think that will be the case. And if I’m to shift my opinion on this and open my wallet, then Wizards of the Coast had better be bending over backwards to make up for the treatment we (I’ve) received as customers since 2000.

Until they do, I’ve got this, mixed with Fifth Edition, and Wizards can’t do a thing to stop me.

Writing and Producing 2e Modules for sale, eventually.

For those of you not in the know I also play 2nd Edition AD&D. I am not a big fan of either 3rd or 4th edition and would play it if I had to, but fortunately I do not ;)

Right now I am DMing once a week and have been working on a high level adventure on and off for a while. Considering the success of the Word of Hashut I am pretty confident I can produce a good layout. I am thinking about writing a module and possibly selling it at Lulu. I am in the process of putting together a high level adventure based on a few ideas that I have had for some time now. Cool thing is there is a homage to both the remake and original Clash of the Titans in it.

I do not expect this will happen soon, but I do think that once I finish up Gold and Glory #4 I will have a bit more time.

So as time goes by I will update here with more bits and pieces.

(PS: Wow first time I made more than 2 blog posts in a month!) 

UPDATE: as of 7/4/26. I decided a long time ago to not push forward with publishing 2nd edition modules.