The Most Epic AD&D Cover: Getting the Drop with a Loaf of Bread

 

After playing RPGs and wargames since 1982 I have come across tons of art; some good, some bad and some in between. Of the old school artists from the early days of TSR are Tramp and others but this post is not about that. This post is about something so over the top gonzo. So over the top that it is epic bad/good. So cool that it is hard to quantify. So of course it is something from 2nd Edition Advanced Dungeons and Dragons. I should also note that despite 2nd Edition being my favorite version of Dungeons and Dragons and how I run it (see here) I am not a particularly huge fan of the Forgotten Realms.

So with that said this cover is nothing short of pure awesomeness.

At first I never paid this much attention back in the day: I do not currently have or need the book. But the more I look at it I have come to realize just how gob smacking cool this is! All too often over the years I have seen knights fighting hordes of bad guys ad nauseam, orcs, thieves climbing demon idols, menacing beholders and mighty dragons on the wing and everything in between.

But getting the drop on some town guard flunky in such an unorthodox way? That is the stuff that legends are made of! And to do it with a loaf of ciabatta bread, left-handed? You do not get much more pimp than this move. Imagine the consternation of said city watchman heading back to the guard tower:

Master at Arms at the Tower: "So, William, did you bring the outlaw scum at the Sleepy Dragon Inn?"

William: (sheepishly) "No, I... uhhhhh... couldn't find him."

Master at Arms at the Tower: "Why is your face and neck covered with bread crumbs?"

I mean really who is going to own up to the fact that some dude in a tavern got the drop on you with his freaking DINNER! A plate maybe, a hunk of bread????

You might loathe 2nd Edition AD&D, you might not like the art (I have certainly seen better) you might not like the subject matter. But when is the last time you got the drop on someone in the game with one of your characters utilizing a loaf of bread? 

I am guessing never.

UK4- When a Star Falls – Old School AD&D Thoughts and a Review

 

Introduction

The seminal UK series has many great modules, but without a doubt the best is UK4 When a Star Falls Falls by Graeme Morris. As I alluded to in my derro post, this module is a match made in heaven. Derro + UK4 = awesome.

Given the module code, it was created by the UK division of TSR. Released in 1984, it’s a standard 32 pages with excellent full-color maps and a sharp graphical layout. The cover notes it’s for 6–10 players of levels 3–5 (though I can’t imagine running it with that many). It features the orange border common in later 1st edition modules, plus a proud Union Jack, because they can. The layout, borders, interior illustrations, title fonts… everything about the presentation is top-notch. The cover art fits the module perfectly, and having one consistent artist throughout really pays off, especially compared to the clashing styles you sometimes see in modules like A1- Slave Pits of the Undercity..

A flood of memories from the memory web...

I wanted to buy this based on the cover alone back in the day. As a poor, cash-strapped pre-teen I saw it in Dragon magazine and it immediately stood out. When I finally got my hands on it? I think I read it ten times in the span of just a few days.

When the argument breaks out online about which AD&D module is the best, I’m there backing UK4 every time.

Funnily enough, I think I discovered this module right around the time I bought the Unearthed Arcana with my own money (as I noted here). That’s probably why both still stand out so strongly for me.

Everything about this module is perfect or near-perfect. The stat blocks read cleanly, the text for the PCs is crisp and concise, and the art fits from stem to stern. And one of the best aspects? It has derro in it! When I first got the module I had no idea, but considering they’re my favorite monster and this is my favorite module? Total bonus. As I noted here, yeah — I’m a big fan of derro.

Background

The premise of the module is that the PCs need to investigate a fallen star. The adventure notes that the party spotted the star falling fairly close by, only 3–4 nights before the adventure begins. Shortly afterward they encounter a wounded memory web — a monster that absorbs memories. Once slain, it floods the PCs with a rush of memories, some of which are vitally important and give them a clear direction to the Tower of Heavens.

It feels a bit ham-fisted at first glance, but it gets the adventure moving quickly. And honestly, it beats the classic “a stranger in a cloak walks up to you in a tavern.” In a quasi-medieval world, comets are harbingers of doom — the locals would react with fear and curiosity, and so should the players.

DERRO!

There’s a fly in the ointment, however. While the elder sage Shalfey sends his monks to recover the fallen star, his treacherous former pupil Piyarz attempts a coup. The elder sage barely manages to barricade himself in the upper levels of the Tower of Heavens. Piyarz also sends his primary minion — the shade Sion — to track the monks and, eventually, the PCs. Sion is dangerous and unlikely to fight to the death. The best approach is often to let him slip away and reappear later for hit-and-run harassment.

From the memory web’s visions, the PCs should learn that a druid/sage named Derwyth holds key knowledge about the star’s location. If they were smart enough to recover the bestiary the monks were carrying, Derwyth will trade valuable calculations for it. (As an aside, a character with Astronomy or Astrology proficiency in 1st or 2nd edition should have a decent shot at figuring some of this out themselves. Without it, expect to pay around 1,500 gp.)

The Derro Outpost

Once armed with the location, the party heads to the impact site — which just so happens to be a derro outpost. For the derro, it was the worst possible timing. The star smashed into the top of the pass, flattening their lair, killing many, and leaving the survivors digging out amid the rubble. The ruined lair is excellently detailed and shows the recent chaos vividly: derro and slaves working frantically, structural damage everywhere, and some inhabitants who clearly do not rest easy. Like many parts of this adventure, the lair has great potential for continued use after the module ends.

Once (if) the party fights or sneaks through the derro, they recover the fallen star itself. It’s not magical, but it is extremely valuable.

Therno Pass is the next major locale after leaving the derro lair. There are some preset encounters that can be expanded, or the DM can use the excellent and flavorful random encounter chart — a real strength across almost the entire UK series. 

The Tower of Heavens

One of the coolest segments of the adventure is the Tower of Heavens and the sages who dwell within. Situated in a river and accessible only by ferry, it features a ton of excellent maps. The tower is “guarded” by gnomes? (Ugh.) Reaching it is no small feat, and the ferryman Hadley will try to get the players to give Shalfey’s password. If the PCs are smart and paying attention, he’s a solid source of information about the current state of the tower.

The sages — especially the elder sage Shalfey — are dependent on the recovery of the fallen star, though the PCs don’t know that at first. Piyarz’s rebellion stemmed from his impatience to take over as elder sage. With Shalfey’s monks gone, Piyarz attempted a coup. It was only partially successful; the elder sage managed to barricade himself in the uppermost levels. Piyarz also sent his primary minion, the shade Sion, to track the monks and eventually the PCs.

The color-coded robes of the sages (from pupil up to Shalfey in white) and their matching monk retinues add a nice visual and hierarchical touch. Interactions with the tower’s inhabitants matter, Shalfey will be grateful for his rescue, but he won’t be happy if the PCs cause major damage or loss of life. I’ve used the elder sage and his surviving pupils as recurring NPCs in my own campaigns before, and some were decidedly less than cordial to parties that had previously mistreated them.

A fun side note: I love the spectator at area T17. Anytime a spectator shows up, it’s time for great role-playing.

The path to Shalfey isn’t easy. Defenses like the Bridge of Faith (Area T18) and the permanent maze spell in the Labyrinth (Area T20) can cause real grief.

When the PCs finally reach the elder sage, he is just finishing the burning of the previous set of the Books of Prophecy. They are now blank and useless to him. The PCs must now take the fallen star to a reclusive group of deep gnomes, who will trade the next set of books for it. In return, Shalfey promises the adventurers one magical item apiece, randomly determined when drawn from a prismatic sphere.

The location of the wizened deep gnomes isn’t far, and the trip there can be uneventful or full of peril, depending on the DM’s choice.

The elder sage, Shalfey

The Deep Gnomes Forge

The ancient deep gnomes are known as the Kagu-svirfnebi. They are a small band that splintered from their main clan some time ago and have been waiting for the arrival of the PCs. They were alerted via scroll that the contents of the dome (actually a prismatic sphere) would be exchanged for a black rock that they would cut into one of the greatest gems ever known. It would take them a lifetime to cut it, but lust and greed overcame them. They cut off all contact with their kin and waited.

Now the PCs arrive with the stone, and their long wait is nearly over. The years of isolation have turned them slightly evil, with a strong penchant for avarice.

Deep Gnomes and their wacky machinery

Assuming the PCs come to an agreement, the gnomes will honor their word. They escort the party to the “shimmering dome,” where the star-rock is required to collapse the

But the adventure is not quite over. To return the books to Shalfey, the PCs must get past a pair of sub-adult red dragons. This encounter can be very deadly. The young dragons show up once the Kagu-svirfnebi workshop begins to self-destruct; the rumblings in the mountain draw them to investigate. The party may be exiting in a hurry, possibly at less than full strength and with the gnomes sabotaging their equipment. Multiple breath weapons could easily result in a TPK.

If run in 2nd edition AD&D, these two dragons are especially deadly. A young adult does 10d10+5 damage with its breath weapon, and breathing every other round? I doubt any group of 6–10 adventurers of levels 3–5 could withstand that if they choose to fight rather than parley.

Once the dragons are dealt with, it’s back to Shalfey for their rewards and the conclusion of the adventure. A crafty DM, however, can use many of the hooks left dangling: What are the derro doing in the area? What happens when the gnomes finally carve the gem, perhaps the derro want it for one of their crazy machines, in the style of Richard Shaver’s stories? What about Sion the shade? If he wasn’t slain earlier, he can reappear to harass the PCs later. There’s also strong potential for using Derwyth and Shalfey as recurring NPCs. Shalfey is old and well-connected in the region, and the Tower of Heavens is a perfect repository of lore and prophecy for planting future adventure seeds.

Suffice it to say, there are plenty of ways to make use of this material long after the module ends.

Final thoughts

There are only two real quibbles, and they’re minor: the minimals (ugh...I’m not a fan). Each of the two times I’ve run the adventure I’ve skipped them without a second thought. If I ran it again I’d probably use gibberlings as an ambush force instead.

The second is that I’ve never liked most of the sages’ names except for Shalfey. That’s pure personal preference. Maschin-I-Bozorg? Huh… what the hell is that?

Throughout the module, the random encounters really fit the feel of the adventure. It very much feels like you’re traveling through an enchanted land, with the right balance of animals and monsters. As I noted earlier, this is a strength shared by the vast majority of the UK series.

A good tie-in adventure is “Cloudkill” from Dungeon #79. It can link nicely afterward with more derro activity in the surrounding lands, perhaps from the same city, or a rival savant?

If the PCs thoroughly search Area K8 there’s the potential for a staggering amount of coin — up to 10,000 gp. Combined with the sizable (for the level) hoard in the red dragons’ lair, that’s a lot of treasure. It may be more than some DMs want at this level, so be warned.

One last note: the red dragons appear at the end while the PCs are hauling… books. Their breath weapons could pose a serious risk to the cargo. Something to consider.

Any way you slice it, this module is hands down great. No matter which scale you use, it gets 5 out of 5 stars or 10 out of 10. Yep, it’s that good

Have you run UK4 in your own campaigns? If so, how did it go and what were your players’ impressions?

Ironically, as I write this about my favorite AD&D module ever, one of my most treasured... I cant find my copy at all. So it looks like its off to find another. If it holds true to form prices will spike just as I go to buy one. And really, really true to form? I found my original one stuffed inside another module after my replacement arrived...

The Shortest Print Run in D&D History – And Why I’m Not Golf-Clapping at 4e’s Funeral

So long 4th edition, we hardly knew ya!

To be quite honest, I really don’t care what edition (or game) someone wants to play. 3rd edition D&D? Castles and Crusades? Lamentations of the Flame Princess, or anything in between? It’s not my cup of tea to rain on someone else’s parade. Now if we are talking FATAL then yeah, that goes out the window.

Enter the anti-2e crowd.

Suffice it to say my opinion of them is about as high as a kobold in good standing, which is to say, not much. And now that leaves the abuse that’s sure to come your way. My best defense against these clowns is a good offense.

With that said, I feel a strange kinship with 4th edition D&D fans right now. A four-year print run for the “current edition” of D&D is shockingly short. Wow, the shortest of them all actually. 4th edition has officially taken the mantle of whipping boy.

I’m not going to golf-clap at the funeral in classic grognard style, though. Your game might not have been my game, but I have a good deal of sympathy for you. My best advice: go on the offensive. When grognards tell you your edition sucks, point out the very real flaws of 1st edition AD&D (there are plenty). Don’t let them fool you. Initiative, horrible organization, psionics, and more, there’s plenty of fodder there. And this is from someone who likes 1st Edition very much.

Am I promoting edition wars? Some might see it that way. But I like to point out that most of us 2e folks were generally “live and let live”… until we got online and ran into the rabid neck beards (see definition #6). Then we learned real quick. Want proof? There are people online who actually believe Terrible Trouble at Tragidore is somehow representative of 2nd edition module quality.

Meanwhile, they’ve never laid eyes on the run of Dungeon magazine from issues #18–81, which rank among some of the best modules of all time. Modules like The Iron Orb of the Duergar, The Mud Sorcerer’s Tomb, and Kingdom of the Ghouls are insanely great to name but a few.

If you stay the course for your favored edition, then by all means do so, and don’t let anyone tell you different. Your game is not my game, but I can’t help but feel a kinship. Your edition is now going to be the least supported of them all:

• 0e, Basic, 1st, and 2nd are more or less interchangeable despite what anyone may think.
• 3rd had a mountain of material, and Pathfinder can easily fill the gap.
• That leaves 4th on its own island…

I say this because it looks like 5th edition is (allegedly) going back to its roots. Time will tell there.

In closing its going to be a lonely road, but if it's your course steer it: "Second star to the right... and straight on until morning."

(Yes I know it's from Peter and Wendy.)

Here We Go Again: 5th Edition D&D and the Familiar Edition Churn

 

 

Normally I’m the type of guy who will let things play out rather than rush to condemn. But the recent announcement of 5^th Edition over at the Wizards of the Coast website made me throw that approach out the window.

I’m generally a “live and let live” kind of guy, but I also like to call out idiocy when it rears its ugly head. All over the web people are talking about what the announcement means. The main question I keep coming back to is simple: Did D&D really need a new edition?

My answer is no. And this isn’t some reactionary knee-jerk response. Wizards has managed to screw up D&D — or succumb to edition churn — at an ever-alarming rate. Take your pick. In fact, it might be both. This is simply the latest chapter.

"I come in brown AND I "squirt."

Some will say, “How can you know it’s going to be bad before you see it?” Sorry, but I didn’t have to reserve judgment to know that Justin Bieber, the Microsoft Kin, Google Buzz and Wave a ave, and the Microsoft Zune were going to be craptastic. Some things are just born to suck.

First, some history is in order for those not in the know. Wizards of the Coast is not the originator of the game. Wizards is a subsidiary of Hasbro that subsumed TSR, thereby acquiring the rights to D&D.

The history of D&D is a sordid one stretching back to its roots in the 1970s. Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson are credited with jointly creating the game, but a sealed settlement and both men being deceased means we may never know the full details of what actually went down. Enter the Blumes, and later Lorraine Williams, and you have a situation where the main creative driver of the game never really had control — or had it for exceedingly short periods of time.

1st Edition succeeded in spite of the efforts of those fighting against Gary (as near as I and others can figure). TSR went belly-up in the ’90s through mismanagement (again, largely Lorraine Williams promising to “show how real companies are run”). But I digress. Wizards snatched it up, only to be bought by Hasbro in turn. There you have it: a game of IP hot potato where the name itself became more important than the content.

And there is one of the main reasons Wizards of the Coast is churning out yet another edition of D&D. (For those counting: 3.0 in 2000, 3.5 shortly thereafter, and the miserable failure that is 4e in 2008.) The IP is simply too valuable to ignore, and the best way to exploit it is a new edition. There, I said it.

My suspicion is that this endless edition churn is about money, plain and simple. First off, I have no issue with a company wanting to make money — people have families to support, I get that. But call it what it is.

It’s no different than the Iraq War. Had Bush Jr. just said the real reason we went in was to get rid of Saddam for trying to whack his father, I’d have been fine with it. Instead we got weapons of mass destruction. Wizards is in the same boat: call it like it is, guys.

4e went out the gates destroying everything that came before it Attila the Hun style — and they did it gleefully. The only problem with scorched-earth tactics is that you ravage the countryside… and then you get a peasant revolt for good measure. That revolt’s name was Pathfinder. As I wrote about last year, the Pathfinder rift vs. 4e was the biggest shift since the 1st/2nd edition transition. The difference is that the move to 2e was a minor tremor compared to the earthquake of customers jumping ship to a competitor.

You created the madness that led to your own fractured customer base.

Edition churn is nothing new. D&D never reached truly self-sustaining numbers even in its heyday, so the only way for publishers to stay afloat is new editions. I’ve talked about this before at Dragonsfoot — the game was always a rather wobbly business model, and it has repeated itself nearly every iteration. In my opinion, the model is not sustainable and requires a reboot every so often to survive.

So now we get to the crux of all this: 5th Edition D&D, which is supposed to be the big tent that brings everyone back in to play. Do they really think we’re that dumb? That their olive-branch “D&D détente” is anything more than a PR move?

Had they really been interested in offering a D&D for all editions all along, they would have done so. Instead they took the approach of trying to force customers to the new edition by cutting off support for the old, reasoning that with no official material we’d come crawling back anyway.

Except that didn’t happen. The peasants banded together, formed their own communities, wrote their own material, and said “thanks, we’ll go it alone.”

The problem only became dire once the money spigot turned off and Wizards was forced to look around for new (old) customers. Prior to the 4e debacle they were doing just fine and wrote us off as lost causes. As I wrote last time, they had already lost the Pathfinder crowd. Those people weren’t coming back, and the industry couldn’t attract enough brand-new players to make up the difference.

So somewhere in the bowels of Wizards someone had a “come to Jesus” moment. Hypothetical Marketing Employee: “I know, let’s release a new edition that promises an old-school feel! Even better, we’ll market it at all those folks we discarded years ago. I’m sure they’ll buy whatever we shovel out. Better yet, they’ll be so grateful!”

Yeah… good luck with that, WotC.

Given my background and interest in computer history, there is one recent company that Wizards of the Coast is doing their best imitation of: Quark. The parallels between QuarkXPress losing the desktop publishing wars to Adobe InDesign are eerily similar. For a good read on the subject, check this article from 2005. It talks about Vista, but look past that and focus on Quark’s history: they made every customer-related mistake in the book and invented a few new ones for good measure. Worse, they didn’t realize it until far too late and alienated a ton of people in the process.

Sound familiar?

Wizards should have read up on this, because they followed the same failed strategy to their folly. Basically, put Wizards in place of Quark, and Paizo with Pathfinder in place of Adobe, and you have the same story in the making. Or as I like to say: “Same circus, different clowns.”

Next up, I keep hearing about the “big tent” approach for 5th Edition D&D. Big tents don’t work, because by their very nature they are a compromise. And compromises, by definition, mean no one walks away from the table truly happy.

Some have countered with “Well, what’s the alternative?” I postulate that maybe there isn’t one. The genie is out of the bottle. It came out in 1985 and isn’t being stuffed back in anytime soon. There is far too much damage to repair and far too much baggage.

And on top of all that, I’m still not convinced a new edition needed to be created in the first place.

On the subject of style of play, I keep hearing that 5th Edition will have a “retro feel.” Well, no kidding? What else are they going to say? Until I see it with my own eyes, color me skeptical. Are they going to admit it plays more like World of Warcraft than traditional D&D?

And if we really need a D&D version that has that old-school feel, then just pick up a copy of Castles & Crusades. No matter what the d-bags and naysayers like to paint it as, it delivers that old-school feel.

Again: is a new edition of D&D needed? Again, no.

Want retro with some new rules? Here it is.

 I should hasten to add, as I’ve stated on Dragonsfoot, that I have no beef with how people want to get their D&D/role-playing entertainment. Go scratch your gaming itch however you want. Unlike some of the ass-hats in the OSR community (some of whom are now quietly deleting their flame-bait, frothing neckbeard incendiary bombs on various sites), I won’t tell a newer gamer that they’re “wrong” for liking what they like. I’ve had that hurled at me for endorsing 2nd Edition, and I’m not passing it on to others.

I’m a big proponent of newer gamers playing what they will look back on fondly years later as their “golden age of gaming.” My game is not their game, and I’m fine with that.

But that leads to the overall point: Why even do this?

By its nature, a modular approach is going to mean that even if you somehow got everyone to stop playing their current edition and move to 5th, they’re still only going to buy the parts that recreate the game they actually want. It also limits who will buy any given add-on. Or, put another way, this is what TSR did with all the campaign settings back in the ’90s that helped lead to its demise.

Wizards will (whether they know it or not) put everyone into separate buckets. It was Bill Slavicsek who said: “It’s raining money outside and you want to catch as much of it as you can. You can either make a really big bucket or waste your time and attention by creating a lot of really small buckets — either way, you’re never going to make more rain.”

In this case, Wizards is hoping to get some people who haven’t spent money on them in years to do so. Call me foolish, but while this is similar to the 1st/2nd Edition split, it’s far worse. It’s like they forgot the whole episode that led to the decline of 2nd Edition. At least 1st and 2nd are nearly compatible.

And that is about the only area where Wizards has a shot with me personally: stuff that I could use with my existing 1st/2nd Edition material for adventures. I’m highly unlikely to buy the core rules. Maybe that is their intention, but either way it’s unlikely that all players will belly up to the same table.

"Still need some help lugging this! Where's Nodwick?

Tangentially related to all this is the matter of style, look, and feel. To me this has never been a major issue the way it is for some. I’ll admit I’m not a fan of the manga dragonborn/tiefling goth assassin/warforged “over-sized weaponry, armor, and more gear than a U.S. Marine” aesthetic (see left), but it’s not enough to make me refuse to buy something on that alone.

Grognards need to get over the fact that nudity was going to be excised from the game, as were its more violent elements, in any edition that came after 1st. 1st Edition was created during the free-wheeling 1970s. The conservative 1980s were a reactionary phase, and thus the more toned-down feel of 2nd Edition was very much a product of the times. In short, don’t expect it to look like it did in First Edition.

I must confess that Bill Willingham was my favorite TSR artist back in the day for either First or Second Edition, but I don’t expect he’s getting hired back anytime soon.

In closing, a version of D&D designed to appeal to all players of all editions is likely going to satisfy none of them. I hear talk of a modular approach — a core game with optional parts you can add? What, you mean like people have been doing since RPGs began?

While I may end up being wrong about this, I don’t think that will be the case. And if I’m to shift my opinion on this and open my wallet, then Wizards of the Coast had better be bending over backwards to make up for the treatment we (I’ve) received as customers since 2000.

Until they do, I’ve got this, mixed with Fifth Edition, and Wizards can’t do a thing to stop me.

Writing and Producing 2e Modules for sale, eventually.

For those of you not in the know I also play 2nd Edition AD&D. I am not a big fan of either 3rd or 4th edition and would play it if I had to, but fortunately I do not ;)

Right now I am DMing once a week and have been working on a high level adventure on and off for a while. Considering the success of the Word of Hashut I am pretty confident I can produce a good layout. I am thinking about writing a module and possibly selling it at Lulu. I am in the process of putting together a high level adventure based on a few ideas that I have had for some time now. Cool thing is there is a homage to both the remake and original Clash of the Titans in it.

I do not expect this will happen soon, but I do think that once I finish up Gold and Glory #4 I will have a bit more time.

So as time goes by I will update here with more bits and pieces.

(PS: Wow first time I made more than 2 blog posts in a month!) 

UPDATE: as of 7/4/26. I decided a long time ago to not push forward with publishing 2nd edition modules.